Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to the recap of “Breaking News,” here are some memorable lines from the episode.

Simon: And while I still think you and Matt are each as dumb as a sack of doorknobs, we’re all pretty happy you’re at least speaking to each other.
Matt: She knows which side her bread is buttered on.
Harriet: I’ll butter your head, jackass.

Mary: You’re so cute, I could just put your poster up in my dorm room.
Matt: What does that mean?
Mary: I don’t know. I just say these things.

Mary: I have an IQ of like, 210. It’s ridiculous.

Jordan: He’s the boss, Danny. I work in the real world.
Danny: What world do I work in?

Matt: I have to ask, what does the computer consider to be the best of Sonny and Cher?

Matt: Ratings are cyclical, Jack. Who the hell knows why anybody watches anything.

Suzanne: Matt, if I ask you something, will you promise not to fire me?
Matt: I’m not going to fire you. What’s wrong?
Suzanne: Are you high right now?

Matt: Suzanne, you have to understand, it’s not like putting a hammer to a nail. Writing a comedy show, you can’t be depressed while you’re doing it. You gotta have energy, and you gotta be able to feel joy. And it’s not like I can ask everybody to sit and wait while I get over it. As soon as we have a hiatus, I’m gonna stop.
Suzanne: My mom said that when I was 9. And when I was 10, she slit her wrists.

Simon: “From the runways of Milan, fashion experts are predicting the trend for next fall will be leggings for men. In my neighborhood, we had a saying: ‘You go first, let’s see if you get shot.’”

Jack: We’re going to be giving away time the last half-hour of this show free with a full tank of gas.

Jordan: What’s it going to take to get you to stop waving Hallie at me?
Jack: The 10,000 viewers a minute he’s losing.

Jordan: Wasn’t he exercising free speech?
Mary: He was. And he’s cute when he does it, too.
Jordan: Yeah, Matt’s cute as a bug.
Mary: Maybe you’ll give me a heads-up when he’s over Harriet.

Jordan: That’s a crazy ass law, Mary.
Mary: I know. That’s what makes this so fantastic to work on.
Jordan: Well, I’m glad we could show you a good time.

Simon: Nobody knows anything. The unit’s out there working. They don’t come home on the San Diego Freeway.
Harriet: Yeah. They come home on roads with bombs.

Jordan: I asked you not to open with the war. And you know what else? You knew you shouldn’t have, but you did it anyway. You did it because I asked you not to. That’s just messed up. And we’re taking down a lot of good people with us. Now get your ass back on the floor.

Harriet: Ricky and Ron ran a bad room. You’re talking about a pack mentality of guys age 25 to 33 who’d never been let into the pack. Not a lot of comedy writers dated the prom queen. These guys wrote to be mean.

Mary: Why does Matt write?
Harriet: Matt writes to get people to like him.

Lucy: You’re being too hard on yourself.
Tom: You know who isn’t too hard on themselves? Amateurs.

Tom: I’m crazy about her man, I mean, really. I had a bad show, people are talking about us like we’re dead. I feel really bad, and I still feel great, and it’s because of her.

Danny: I’m a drug addict, Matt. I have to be one for the rest of my life. I will beat you to a bloody pulp before I let you … where are the freaking pills!

Danny: Suzanne said you were taking pills.
Matt: I was.
Danny: Till when?
Matt: About an hour ago.

Matt: I’m not writing the show any better high than I was straight.
Danny: You were writing it worse.

Danny: Let’s end the fight.
Jordan: I’m sorry I told you to get your ass back on the stage.
Danny: And I’m sorry that I said … or did … I can’t think of anything I’m sorry I said or did.
Jordan: It’s nice when we can meet halfway.

Jordan: You know what I want from you? I want you to stop saying, “What do you want from me?”

Suzanne: I know you know I told Danny.
Matt: I know you know I know.

Suzanne: You’re not mad at me?
Matt: I’m mad at me.

Suzanne: In a couple of hours, Miss America could stand in front of you naked and hand you a Pulitzer Prize and you’d be depressed about it.
Matt: Well, let’s give it a try.

Jordan: (as Danny uses a stethoscope from the prop room to listen to the baby’s heartbeat) Now I’ve pretty much touched the bottom of the health-care industry.

Jordan: I’m not going to go to the emergency room. They’ll think I’m crazy.
Danny: Well, how about I give you a head wound, they can check on that.

Matt: Are you alright?
Danny: Yeah. Are you?
Matt: Yeah. But the first person who talks to me about tonight’s ratings is fired.

Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Studio 60, NBC, Breaking News, memorable lines