Watching Studio60

Hey, when I said the memorable lines for “Thespis” were still to come, I didn’t know they’d be this long in coming. There were some technical issues with the 451 Press servers over the last week-and-a-half that kept me from getting on here to post anything, and probably kept you from getting on here to see that I wasn’t posting. Is there a mischievous Greek ghost that screws up the Internet? Looks like we had our own Thespis at work.

At any rate, here at last are the lines I picked. Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dan: Dana, Elliot wants to know why there’s a 20-pound frozen turkey on the light grid.
Dana: It’s 24 pounds.
Dan: I’ll tell him that, but then he’ll probably just want to know why there’s a 24-pound frozen turkey in the light grid.

Kim: It’s a time for giving thanks, a time to share in the warm embrace of family.
Natalie: Right. You don’t want to take any crap from your mother.
Dana: I really don’t.

Casey: Jeremy. November 23rd — does that date ring a bell? And don’t go to the computer.
Jeremy: Don’t have to.
Casey: What is it?
Jeremy: It was on this day in 534 B.C. that Thespis stepped out onto the stage at the Theater Dionysus during a choral song and dance and became the first man to speak words as an actor in a play.
Casey: (to Dan) Tell me I was supposed to know that.

Isaac: How can he find the hospital if he hasn’t rehearsed the route?
Dana: Isn’t Douglas a radar officer in the Navy?
Isaac: Yes, and if we were scrambling F-16s, I’d trust him to find the flight deck of the USS Coral Sea. But we’re having a baby, and you can’t find Berkeley General unless you rehearse the route.

Dan: Today is our anniversary.
Casey: Jeez, Dan, that night in Minneapolis with the Jagermeister, we didn’t do anything untoward, did we?
Dan: You mean, did we get married?
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: No.
Casey: Good.
Dan: We recited the St. Crispin’s Day speech in the lobby of the St. Paul Radisson.
Casey: Was it untoward?
Dan: No, it was just embarrassing.

Casey: Impersonating my ex-wife never won anyone a place in my heart.
Dan: It’s an important day to me.
Casey: It’s an important day to me, too.
Dan: I don’t think it is.
Casey: How can I prove it to you?
Dan: Remembering it would be a step in the right direction.

Natalie: So Thespis is the Roman god of theater?
Jeremy: That’s exactly right, except he’s not Roman and he’s not a god.
Natalie: What is he?
Jeremy: He’s Greek, and he’s a ghost.

Dan: I remember what you were wearing. Do you remember what I was wearing?
Casey: I remember not thinking at the time that you were a woman.

Dana: I’m not gonna be beaten by a 6,000-year-old Roman god!
Jeremy: He’s a 3,000-year-old Greek ghost.
Dana: Well, I’m a 33-year-old television producer, and for one hour every night, this is my little corner of the world, and nothing screws up here unless I screw it up!

Isaac: Did a big frozen turkey fall down on the anchor desk during the last commercial?
Casey: Yes.
Isaac: And why?
Casey: Aw, Isaac, is there really an answer I can give to that question that will satisfy you?

Isaac: So you say a few words. You make a gesture. You remember an important date. Small price to pay for what you get in return. For what you get in return, it’s a steal. The rest is all vanity.

Dana: I’ve named this Thanksgiving it. I’m calling it, “The Thanksgiving of Mom’s Disapproval.” Included on the two-record set are the hit songs “Why Aren’t You Married?” and “Sports Is No Place for an Educated Woman” and “Didn’t Anyone Ever Tell You How to Cook a Turkey?”

Dana: (to Jeremy) For a guy who’s read The Hobbit 14 times, you’re not so dumb.

Elliot: Listen to this phone call I just got. Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford were accepting a humanitarian award over at the Sheraton. Kathie Lee got up to the podium, slipped and fell face first into a plate of tapioca.
Dana: At the Sheraton?
Elliot: Yeah.
Dana: All the way across town?
Elliot: Yeah.
Dana: Aaah! Ladies and gentlemen, Thespis has left the building.

Sports Night, ABC, Thespis, memorable lines

We’re taking a second look at “Thespis,” the eighth episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

As with most episodes so far, this one begins with the beginning of a show. Unlike most episodes so far, this one has a turkey thawing in the light grid. Dana doesn’t want to take any crap from her mother over an improperly cooked bird, and somehow this connects to seeing how long one will take to thaw in the lighting system of a TV studio. You’d think that would be enough trouble for one night’s show. But you’d be wrong.

For one thing, Isaac is distracted by the fact that his wife, who has gone to visit their very pregnant daughter, and with whom he had a fight that morning before her departure, hasn’t called him yet. Dan is distracted that Casey doesn’t know the significance of the current date, and then everybody’s distracted when Casey asks Jeremy what the date means and Mr. Trivia tells them about Thespis, the first man to speak words on a stage as an actor and now a mischievous ghost who wreaks havoc on this day.

That’s not the day Dan was thinking of, and now he doesn’t want to talk about it, but that doesn’t stop Casey from trying during commercial breaks. Dana’s not afraid of Thespis, until he sends her falling to the floor. Then she takes it as a challenge to get through the first half of the show without error. Isaac’s babbling about how his son-in-law hasn’t rehearsed the route to the hospital yet, then Kim comes to his rescue with the news that his wife is on the phone.

After some nagging from Casey, Dan finally reveals that today is the anniversary of their first show together — not Sports Night, but the show they did before that. And then Casey goes from nagging to needling, acting gruff about the need to acknowledge the day and accusing Dan of imitating his ex-wife. In the control room, Jeremy is continuing to regale his co-workers and an adoring Natalie with facts about Thespis and pretty much any mythological figure that gets thrown at him. Isaac blows through saying he needs the next plane to San Francisco, and since Thespis seems to be causing only minor havoc, Dana leaves the show in Natalie’s hands and goes after Isaac to find out what happened.

Isaac tells her that his daughter has been rushed to the hospital for an emergency C-section. The medical problem she’s having is similar to one Dana’s sister-in-law had, and although they lost the baby, her sister-in-law was fine. That’s cold comfort to Isaac, who seems near tears as Dana rushes back to the show. It’s good that she’s back, though, because Thespis is feeling his oats now. Cues have been blown, screens have been wrong, and Casey has been left to recite the St. Crispin’s Day speech just to fill time. Plus, water is dripping on the anchor desk. Dana yells for everyone to get their heads in the game, she’s not going to let a 3,000-year-old Greek ghost screw up her show, nothing screws up her show unless she does it … which, of course, is when the frozen turkey plummets down from the light grid onto the anchor desk.

And still, the show limps along. During a break, Dan recalls that something was wrong with Casey back on that first show day five years back, and realizes that it was the fact that he lost the chance to do “Conan’s show.” Casey insists he was never seriously considered, and Dan insists he was; Dan insists getting stuck doing a show in Dallas was a come-down, and Casey insists it wasn’t — though it’s clear that the choice made for trouble between him and ex-wife Lisa. With a break and then a segment by Dan ahead, Casey stalks off to stretch his legs.

He winds up in Isaac’s office, where the boss is still beating himself up over his argument with Esther over the fact that he wasn’t showing enough enthusiasm about the baby, whining he was too young to be a Grandpa. Now, of course, that all seems like a terrible thing to have said. Casey talks about his fight with Dan, which is really about a fight he had with Lisa five years ago, and Isaac advises him to tell the truth. Showing the people you care about what you feel costs you only a little, he says, especially for what you get in return. Dana, in turn, is beating herself up about the humiliation she’s sure to suffer at the hands of her mother this Thanksgiving, and the lesson in humility she’s being given by Thespis right now, especially after the transmission goes out, leaving the show in a wave of static. Jeremy can’t do much about that, but he does advise her to appreciate her family and not stress so much about mom’s disapproval.

With more free time now that the transmission’s out, Casey tells Dan that he was offered Conan’s show, and he passed on it to work with Dan, who was not a consolation prize. Dan’s amazed that Casey didn’t believe he could do Conan’s show, and is angry at Lisa for undercutting his confidence. Casey would have done a great job, Dan assures him. And he’s good on this show, too. Things keep looking up when Isaac comes in with cigars and news of his new grandson, with mother and child doing just fine. The show comes back on, too, and Elliot delivers the good news that Kathy Lee Gifford has had a humiliating fall into a bowl of tapioca somewhere across town — Thespis has left the building! And so, now, do we.

Sports Night, ABC, Thespis, recap

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “Dear Louise …” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Casey: If you’ve had half as much fun watching the show as we’ve had doing it, well, then, we’ve had twice as much fun doing the show as you’ve had watching it.

Dan: If you wear something blue, you get two dollars off a giant blue margarita.
Casey: You know, I make a pretty good living. I can actually afford to wear what I want and pay full price.
Dan: I’m not promoting the economic upside as much as I am the opportunity to drink something giant and blue.

Casey: Hey, Jeremy, we’re going to this place called El Perro Fumando, where if, what, you wear a thing, then something else happens for two dollars less than it would’ve before.

Jeremy: El Perro Fumando?
Dana: The Flaming Dog.
Casey: Smoking Dog.
Dana: Not the Flaming Dog?
Casey: The dog’s not gay.
Dana: I wasn’t suggesting the dog was gay. I was suggesting the dog was on fire.
Casey: He’s not smoking on fire. He’s smoking a cigarette.
Elliot: He’s smoking a pipe.
Kim: He’s smoking a cigar.
Dan: I say he’s gay.

Dan: How do we know the dog is a he?
Casey: “El Perro” is masculine.
Dan: Sounds like Dana’s translation has him leaning another way.

Casey: We’re the best, okay? The very best.
Dan: Yeah?
Casey: Well maybe not the best. But we’re pretty good.
Dan: Right.
Casey: I put us easily into the top 30 or 40.
Dan: Okay, this isn’t helping me.

Dan: I can’t write!
Casey: What are you working on?
Dan: Red Wings/Flyers.
Casey: All right. Let me see. (Reads off screen) “The Flyers played the Red Wings in a hockey game last night, and they won four to three.”
Dan: You see?
Casey: This is more serious than I thought.

Isaac: My 16-year-old daughter is dating a Republican in her class named Chad.
Dana: Chad’s a 16-year-old Republican?
Isaac: That’s right.
Dana: I didn’t know 16-year-olds had party affiliations.
Isaac: Chad was just elected president of the Connecticut Young Black Republican Caucus. He has a 3.9 GPA. He is co-captain of the Lacrosse team. He plays the French horn and does volunteer work at a crisis hotline.
Dana: Sounds wonderful.
Isaac: Dana, did you hear me? He’s a Republican!
Dana: A lot of folks are running in that direction these days, Isaac.
Isaac: Yeah? Well, I don’t want ‘em sniffing around my women.

Casey: Listen, Dana told me you were a little down about the verdict in your trial, so I just wanted you to know I’m not gonna do any jokes, I’m not gonna give you a hard time.
Gordon: I appreciate it.
Casey: So this party at Gracie Mansion must be going pretty late.
Gordon: Yeah, we’ll catch the tail end of it.
Casey: Do you think the mayor’s gonna chew you out for so spectacularly blundering the case?
Gordon: I don’t actually work for the mayor. I work for the U.S. Department of Justice.
Casey: And a hell of a year you guys have been having.
Gordon: You know, Casey, I won’t deny this hasn’t been my finest hour, but there’s really nothing you can say that’s gonna rattle me. I’m just happy to be here, happy to be talking to you, happy to be having sex with Dana every night.
Casey: You know, it really wasn’t my intention to discuss any Dana-related matters. No, I was just reading this New York Times piece on the forensic evidence, the ballistics match, the eyewitnesses, and the 78 hours worth of wiretaps, a portion of which included the defendant saying, “I killed him. I killed him. I killed him dead,” and was wondering what the heck a fella has to do to get thrown in jail on your watch?
Gordon: Well, how ’bout I run you through an IRS audit and we find out?

Natalie: Guys, on page 66, halfway down in the NFL injury report, it says, “Collins is expected to miss practice this week, the result of a bulging disk.”
Dan: Yeah?
Natalie: There’s a typo on the Teleprompter. They left out the “s.”
Casey: “Collins is expected to be sidelined a week to ten days with a bulging di — ” Uh oh.
Dan: Whoa, that’s a big 10-4.
Casey: My next line in the script was, “Let’s go to the videotape.”
Natalie: We might have gotten some phone calls.

Sports Night, ABC, Dear Louise, memorable lines

We’re taking a second look at “Dear Louise…,” the seventh episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

It’s another end of another show, and Dan’s planning to head to a place called El Perro Fumando to drink giant blue margaritas. He tries to get Casey to come along, but his partner’s not going for it … until Dan mentions that Dana will be there, and “boogie shoes” may ensue. That changes Casey’s mind pronto.

But the likelihood of Dana getting half a margarita in her and dancing on a tabletop isn’t enough to get Jeremy to join them, and neither is Natalie asking him to come along. He’s got a letter to write to his sister Louise, to whom he writes because she can’t hear. So as the gang heads off to drink giant blue things, we move into one of those letter-writing flashback episodes.

Via voice-over, Jeremy explains to his sis that he’s been with the show three months, that he loves the place, that it feels like home, and that tonight was the first time he’d been asked to go out with the guys after work. He writes about Dan and Casey, and how they deal with the pressure of writing and performing. In the flashback, though, Dan’s not dealing very well. He’s got writer’s block — not just writer’s block, but emergency writer’s block, the kind of writer’s block that prevents him from composing anything other than simple, colorless sentences. That’s death for a sportswriter.

As Casey tries to help, Isaac stops by their office, and Jeremy’s letter follows him through the hallways, expositing on his long career in journalism — starting as a stringer, ending as London bureau chief for CNN, and coming out of retirement to run a sports network. In flashback land, though, what’s on Isaac’s mind is not so much the show or the ratings but the fact that his 16-year-old daughter is dating a Republican named Chad. His plan, as he tells Dana, is to install a dungeon and moat.

Natalie stops by Isaac’s office to see whether he’s heard of someone named Archibald Russell, who was carjacked in Kansas City. The name sounded familiar to the reporter there, but not to Isaac. Natalie mentions that there’s a run-down meeting coming up, and that’s where Jeremy’s letter-writing quickly heads, as he explains to Louise that a recent run-down involving Archibald Russell has stuck in his head.

The flashback, though, starts before Jeremy gets into the run-down room. If he’d been there, he would have heard Natalie tell Isaac that Archibald Russell played in the Negro Leagues, and Isaac remember him as A.K. Russell, and feel terrible that the guy was badly hurt, and resolve to call his kids. Isaac asks Dana to do a segment on Russell, and that’s when Jeremy comes in and is asked to put something together. Having missed the background, Jeremy wonders why they’re going to use airtime early in the show on a story like this, then feels terrible about it later, when Dan and Casey do the segment and have to update the graphic during the commercial when word comes in that Russell has been pronounced dead.

After commercial, though, things lighten up with Jeremy’s letter-writing thoughts on Dana, who we find out has six brothers, one of whom plays for the Denver Broncos. Her education at elite all-girl’s schools at her mother’s insistence has led, Jeremy writes, to “brilliance inside the office and something a little less than brilliance anywhere outside of it.” To illustrate, we see her determined to get Casey to like her hair, because she’s going to a dinner at the mayor’s with Gordon and she wants everything to be perfect.

Jeremy talks about the Casey-Dana situation, and then we see Dana taunting Casey about Gordon’s post-graduate degree, of which Casey allegedly has an envy. Casey’s got an ace up his sleeve, though — Gordon, an assistant D.A., failed to get a conviction against a notorious mobster, after four-and-a-half years of work, and though Dana insists Casey dare not taunt him about it, Casey’s clearly planning to.

Then we’re back in a run-down meeting, and the subject is back to Dan’s writer’s block. Natalie’s got an idea that with shock therapy — surprising him with the unexpected, like a glass of water to the face — she can knock him out of it.

Later, Casey’s going to try to win one against Gordon by teasing him about his loss, but once again, Gordon easily gets the upper hand, suggesting that perhaps a full audit of Casey’s finances, including his involvement in an office betting pool, might be of some interest. Casey retreats to the safety of his anchor desk, where Dan is still melting down over his sudden loss of talent. Natalie’s on the job, though, surprising him with an air horn and then yet another glass of water in the face. If you can’t fight it, you might as well laugh.

During a break in the show, Natalie gives the guys a heads-up about a Teleprompter error that left the letter “s” out of the word “disk,” and that’s the cue for Jeremy’s letter to finally get around to Natalie. He explains to Louise that the uproar over the Christian Patrick situation has died down, and that things have been awkward between him and Natalie since they’re almost-dinner in the previous episode. He wants to ask her out, but is afraid that will make things even more awkard …

… except now we’re back in real time, and the gang is coming back from their blue-margarita-drinking adventures, Dana’s dancing being too hot for the Smoking Dog. As the party continues at the office, Natalie pulls Jeremy aside, acknowledges the awkwardness between them, and kisses him to bump things up to the next level.

She’s also brought him stamps, and wants him to dance with her, so it’s time to wrap the letter up. But not before Jeremy tells Louise that Dan got over his writer’s block with the help of a female professional volleyball player he met at the bar, who reminded him of why men write: to impress women.

And with that, we leave everyone dancing to “My Boogie Shoes.” C’mon. You know you want to get up and dance too.

Sports Night, ABC, Dear Louise, recap

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “The Head Coach, Dinner and the Morning Mail.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dan: Okay, I don’t think there’s any way I could be colder.
Kim: What if you were wet?
Dan: I’d be very cold, but as cold as I’d be under that circumstance, I still don’t think there’d be any discernable difference between how cold I’d be then and how cold I am now. That’s how cold I am now.
Casey: So … you’re cold.
Dan: I’m pretty cold.

Jeremy: (when a tape goes missing) This is professional television, surely there’s some kind of strict procedure that’s followed when something like this happens.
Dana: Absolutely.
Jeremy: What is it?
Dana: Well, first, everyone stand up and see if you’re sitting on it.

Dan: I’m not conversationally anal-retentive the way you are.

Casey: I’m a commentator, I’m a pundit, I am doing my job.
Dan: You’re a pundit?
Casey: I’m a pundit.
Dan: Your parents must be very proud.

Natalie: I can’t shoot the breeze right now, Dan, I have to do my job. Or, do you think it’s just safer for everybody if I don’t do anything? My two anchors are gonna die of hypothermia on the air, but that’s okay, no problem, ’cause Natalie’s a little distracted.

Casey: I stand by my position, I do it proudly, I do it vigorously, and I do it for the following three reasons –
Dan: Here come the table of contents.
Casey: I like to organize my thoughts.
Dan: We know.
Casey: Why are you looking at a dictionary?
Dan: I don’t think “pundit” means what you think it means.

Dana: You shouldn’t be reading Natalie’s e-mail.
Jeremy: It was the only way I could make sure that Natalie doesn’t read Natalie’s e-mail.

Dana: You figured out her password?
Jeremy: I thought, you know, how many six-letter words could there be?
Dana: Um, 5,000.
Jeremy: 14,200 and change. But I got it on the 38th try.

Dana: We should’t worry, right? A reporter goes into a locker room. Has a run-in with an athlete. The reporter becomes the story. That happens, right?
Isaac: In my experience? About twice a year over the past 40 years.
Dana: Right. So why does this feel different?
Isaac: Because it’s happening to us.

Casey: (of Natalie) Oh, yeah, she’s been screwing up pretty good lately.
Dana: Yeah, not like when you were going through the divorce.
Casey: I did my job with aplomb.
Dana: I remember some days you could barely find the building.

Dana: I don’t want to say it, and you don’t want me to say it.
Casey: I do want you to say it, and then I want you to see how much I don’t care when you do.
Dana: What’s in it for me?
Casey: Nothing.
Dana: I am dressed this way because I’m having dinner with Gordon after the show. I’m having dinner with Gordon, and I’m dressed this way because it’s been my experience that when I do, Gordon becomes quite amorous. And it’s my hope that Gordon act on his impulses this evening, quench his desire, and in so doing, quench mine.

Dana: I’ll let you in on a secret. I think Natalie likes you as well.
Jeremy: I think so too!
Dana: Yes.
Jeremy: I’ve been getting that feeling!
Dana: Good.
Jeremy: I’ve had this sense. It’s a faint, subtle thing –
Dana: She’s been throwing herself at you.
Jeremy: See, I didn’t get that.

Dana: I know you’re frightened, too, or you wouldn’t be staying up all night plugging six-letter words into a computer.
Jeremy: I’m not a big man, Dana. I can’t beat people up, and I don’t carry a gun. I’m a research analyst with a degree in applied mathematics. So this is what I do.

Casey: How am I conversationally anal-retentive?
Dana: Let me anwer that question in four parts, with the fourth part first and the third part last. The second part has five syllables.
Casey: All right, all right, all right.

Dan: Listen to me, seriously, you gotta get some sleep. I once stayed up 72 hours straight studying for a biochem midterm. You know what happened next?
Jeremy: No.
Dan: Me neither, man, ’cause I passed out in my girlfriend’s dorm room. I didn’t wake up until, like, graduation.
Jeremy: How’d you do on the midterm?
Dan: I aced it, but that’s not the point.

Dan: Make it someplace that you like. Restaurants — they don’t impress women as much as we think they do, and food always tastes good on the first date. You’re not in Vegas, and you’re not in L.A. You are in the most magnificent city in the world. It’s the city of Gershwin and Cole Porter, Damon Runyon and Fiorello La Guardia. Surprise her, but make her feel comfortable. Make it different, but make her feel at home. But mostly, make it someplace that you like.
Jeremy: Where is that restaurant?
Dan: I’ll let you know when I find it.

Gordon: Oh, by the way, for what it’s worth, I’m right with you on this Rostenkowski thing.
Casey: Thank you.
Gordon: It was a terrible call.
Casey: Lost the game!
Gordon: I don’t know how he makes that call. Any idiot knows, you hand it to Jermaine, you send him up the middle.
Casey: Yeah … Well, you’re not going to go up the middle against an eight-man front, but still …
Gordon: Oh, still. Maybe you run a play-action fake, you toss it off to the tight end out in the flat.
Casey: The problem with that is that without establishing a running game first, no one’s gonna bite down on the play fake.
Gordon: Oh, but still.
Casey: Still.
Gordon: A post pattern, a slant …
Casey: He’d be going against a defensive back who was second-team all-American as a true freshman.
Gordon: What would you have called?
Casey: Me?
Gordon: Yeah.
Casey: (Sighs) The thing is, I haven’t watched film all week. I haven’t seen scouting reports. I don’t have an offensive coordinator talking in my ear. I don’t have 80,000 fans screaming in my face. So, it’s easy for me. I don’t have 10 million people watching at home on TV, including a pack of rabid alumni. I’ve had three days to think about it. He had seven seconds. So it’s a lot easier for me to make that decision than it was for him. But, since you asked me what play I would have called, I’ll tell you. Now that I think about it, I have no idea.

Natalie: Why aren’t you laughing at me? Why aren’t you mad at me? Dan, you just had to ad-lib a 30-second segment in the freezing cold, and God knows what graphic I put on the screen. Look, all I want is to get it right, and when I don’t, I expect to be treated like a professional. I expect to be yelled at. I want to be treated like the show is still important. I want to be treated like my job is still important.
Dana: The show is important and your job is important.
Natalie: Then why won’t anybody yell at me?
Dana: ‘Cause we like you. ‘Cause you’re one of us.’Cause you’re always there anytime one of us is in trouble.
Casey: Like me.
Dan: Like me.
Dana: Like them.

Sports Night, ABC, The Head Coach Dinner and the Morning Mail, memorable lines

We’re taking a second look at “The Head Coach, Dinner and the Morning Mail,” the sixth episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

We’re in the middle of another show, and as usual, there are problems. This time, they’re due to the fact that Natalie — understandably rattled after her abuse by Christian Patrick in the previous episode — is making mistakes. Like losing a tape that’s due to go on the air. She’s sure it was there, and promises to make it right, but Dana and everybody else are all sorts of forgiving for her every fumble.

Meanwhile, in front of the camera, Dan and Casey are freezing due to problems with the climate in the room, and have to be layered with Elmer Fudd gear during commercial breaks. Also, Casey is riding a football coach named Rostenkowski for making a bonehead move that cost Casey’s alma mater a game, and Dan thinks he should cut it out. But Casey’s a pundit, and he’s doing his job.

The next day, Natalie’s happy to report to Dan and Casey that she’s arranged for the repair of the air-conditioning … except, of course, it’s the heat that’s on the fritz. But no one’s blaming Natalie for anything. It’s okay. No problem. Don’t worry about it. The only one being hard on Natalie is Natalie.

Jeremy is being pretty hard on himself, too, staying up all night cracking Natalie’s e-mail password so he can head off any threatening e-mail. He brings a death threat he found to Dana and Isaac, but the FBI’s already been over it, and his bosses are mostly concerned that Jeremy is exhausting himself with all this Natalie protection.

While Jeremy’s obsessing over death threats, Casey’s reveling in fan letters full of support for his campaign against Rostenkowski. Dana pulls him away to ask him to fix any errors that come through from the increasingly distracted Natalie. Casey, in turn, is distracted by how nice Dana looks, and how she’s looking nice because of a dinner date with Gordon, a dinner he resolves to ruin.

Dana’s got another dinner to set up. She talks with sleep-deprived Jeremy about the fact that he likes Natalie, Natalie likes him, and the best thing he could do for her right now is just take her out for dinner, to get her mind off things. She also orders him to get some sleep at once, but that doesn’t look likely to happen.

Casey and Dana have a conversation about whether he’s conversationally anal-retentive (yes), and whether she can make a proper crash-and-burn sound (no). Jeremy and Dan have a conversation about where Jeremy should take Natalie for dinner, since the software program he designed to pinpoint the perfect spot isn’t doing the trick. Dan gives a quantity of poetic advice about finding The Place, but what it all boils down to is that Jeremy should choose a place he likes himself.

Dana brings Gordon to a place she likes — her studio — and he chats with Casey before the show begins. In agreeing with him about Rostenkowski, Gordon gradually leads Casey to see that it’s way easier to be critical than to do a coach’s job. And so Casey finally knows what Dan’s been telling him all along: He’s got to lighten up on Rostenkowski.

And then, it’s another show, and another screw-up: Natalie fails to get some copy on the teleprompter, and Dan’s left ad-libbing thirty seconds, which he does by talking about Tony Orlando. Natalie’s mad that no one is mad at her for all the mistakes she’s been making, and she’s mad again when she goes to her desk and sees Jeremy there, asleep on the floor, with a candlelight Chinese dinner spread out picnic style in front of him — inspiring Dan to observe that, indeed, Jeremy found The Place.

Natalie wakes him and asks if this is supposed to be some kind of charity, but Jeremy says simply that he wanted to help because he likes her, and she sits down and puts his head in her lap and lets him go back to sleep. Dana gently gives her the lecture she’s been wanting, and then leaves the two of them in their romantic spot, as Gershwin’s “Someone to Watch Over Me” plays us out.

Sports Night, ABC, The Head Coach Dinner and the Morning Mail, recap

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “Mary Pat Shelby.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dana: This is a coup, Isaac! We need it promoted.
Isaac: What, do I look like I just sailed in from Minskapinsk?
Dana: No, you don’t, but you’ve gotta stop using Yiddish expressions.
Isaac: They work for me!
Dana: Not as much as you think.

Dan: A lot of great and distinguished men have worn goatees.
Casey: I’ll give you $100 if you don’t start naming them for me.

Dana: No questions about Mary Pat Shelby. We’re just gonna talk about football.
Casey: How ’bout something like this: “Chris, what were you thinking when you punched your girlfriend in the face and threw her down that flight of stairs? I’m sorry, I meant, How the heck did you catch that pass against the Raiders?”

Dana: Something was better than nothing and we needed this.
Casey: Yeah, and Patrick’s people need to show their guy can still sell sneakers and soda. And when the whole thing’s over, we hop in the shower and they leave the money on the night table. Plus, we get to show Mary Pat Shelby that unless she can catch 80 passes in a season, the world could honestly give a damn about her concussion and broken jaw.

Casey: What happened to your values?
Dan: I find that maintaining them is a lot of work. I take a day off every now and then.
Casey: You take a vacation from doing the right thing?
Dan: Yeah. I don’t loot storefronts or anything. But once in a while, when I consider the effort it takes to diligently adhere to a moral compass, I take myself out of the lineup and I rest for the next game.

Dan: I have a hard time believing that my growing a goatee is gonna cause any kind of lighting problem, guys, all right?
Casey: Hey, these guys still haven’t figured out how to light your nose.

Dana: There happens to be an exclusive story sitting in the greenroom that’s gonna be wildfire whether we light the match or not. It happened. It’s news. I can’t decide not to pursue it just ’cause it happened to us. Not only that, I think Natalie deserves to have her story told.
Dan: Don’t use the last part.
Dana: What?
Dan: You had me ’til the last part.
Dana: What do you –
Dan: Of course it’s a legitimate news story and it would be embarrassing if we weren’t the ones to break it. But Natalie didn’t seem at all to me anxious to have her story told. And speaking as a friend — I think it’s wrong of you to use that.
Dana: I am not rationalizing, Danny. I am saying what I believe.
Dan: That’s fine, but in a minute you’re gonna have to float an argument by Isaac, and I’m just saying … you had me ’til the last part.

Jeremy: It wouldn’t be as bad as you think.
Natalie: Yes, it would.
Jeremy: Natalie –
Natalie: Yes it would! Private conversations in the corridor. Secret meetings in Isaac’s office. “We’ll have a car take you home”? I’m already out of the loop.
Jeremy: It’s just tonight.
Natalie: No, it’s not. This is a soundproof room, and I can still hear the phones ringing out there. They’re on the scent, and they’re all calling to talk to me. I have a journalism degree from Northwestern. I started out as a summer intern. I worked my way up to senior associate. Tomorrow, I’d be a cocktail-party joke. So, it’d actually be every bit as bad as I think.

Jeremy: (to Christian Patrick) You touch her again, I’m gonna have you killed. Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m gonna pay someone $50 to have you killed.

Dana: I sent her there on purpose. I sent her there instead of Jeremy ’cause I knew how Patrick felt about women in a locker room. And I thought I could … provoke a more — a better response to the questions. I sent her there on purpose.
Casey: I know.
Dana: Does she? Does Natalie know?
Casey: Of course she knows. She learned from you.

Dan: (to Natalie) The only reason I came in here was to tell you this: No matter what you decide … you’ve got friends. And this is what friends gear up for.

Evans: This is a third-place show on a fourth-rate network.
Dan: Yeah, but that’s all gonna change once I grow a goatee.
Casey: He’s just crazy enough to do it, too.

Natalie: Do you remember how much you wanted to play professional football when you were a kid?
Patrick: Yeah.
Natalie: That’s how much I wanted to be a sports reporter. I was just there doing my job. But tomorrow, the sky’s gonna fall down on both of us, ’cause as soon as my show comes down at midnight, I’m going over to the 23rd precinct, and I’m swearing out a warrant for your arrest. … Chris.
Patrick: Yeah.
Natalie: Right now, this second … how much do you love me?

_{Photo by Terri Mauro}

Sports Night, ABC, Mary Pat Shelby, memorable lines

We’re taking a second look at “Mary Pat Shelby,” the fifth episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

Isaac’s got good news for Dana: Sports Night, their little #3 show, has scored a hit-making appearance by football player Christian Patrick. He’s coming to the studio, he’s sitting down for an interview, and if they promote the heck out of it, he’s going to bring tons of new viewers along with him. Dana breaks the good news to Dan, interrupting his musings on whether or not he should grow a goatee. Also getting word of the show’s big break is Natalie, who is Dana’s choice to go do a locker-room pre-interview with Patrick. Natalie’s pretty sure Jeremy, with his superior football knowledge, would be a better choice, but Dana wants Natalie and that’s that.

Of course, once they have promoted the heck out of it and there’s no turning back, Patrick’s lawyers issue some guidelines on what can and cannot be talked about. Foremost on the latter list is Mary Pat Shelby, the girlfriend Patrick is accused of beating up. No, no questions about that, not even the merest mention. Casey tells Dana she’s doing a big thing badly, and getting played, and Dana doesn’t disagree — but the fact is, the show needs the interview and the viewers and the producer will do anything to make it work. Casey tries to engage Dan in arguing the decision, but as it happens, this is Dan’s day off from caring about ethical violations.

When Natalie comes back from the Patrick pre-interview, she runs into Jeremy in an editing room and he notices a bruise on her wrist. She has some story about catching it in a car door and insists it’s nothing, but Jeremy points out that it looks exactly like the Indian burn his sister gave him when they were kids. Later, in a rundown meeting that has mostly to do with the lighting problems Dan’s goatee might cause, Isaac bursts in with news of reports from the Meadowlands that, in an empty locker room, Christian Patrick was seen exposing himself to a women. He might have done more, Isaac says, because the witness saw him grab the woman’s arm. Jeremy asks, frantically, whether it might have been her wrist, then runs out of the room. It only takes Casey a few seconds to realize what this means: The woman was Natalie.

The gang rallies around Natalie, who claims it was no big deal. Isaac says they’ll get a car to take her home so she doesn’t have to see Patrick in the studio, but she wants to stay and do her job, and Isaac reluctantly agrees. Dana, meanwhile, sees that what happened to Natalie makes this a whole new ballgame. First, she’s telling Casey and Dan that the show is going to be the first to report on what happened in the locker room, because it’s their story and because Natalie deserves to have her story told. Dan points out that, actually, Natalie doesn’t seem all that interested in having her story told, and that sets Dana off into another whole new ballgame: She makes a deal with Patrick’s lawyers that Natalie will not press charges if the interview is opened to include questions about Mary Pat Shelby. They agree, but Dana and Isaac start to look like maybe this isn’t such a victory.

Jeremy tries to comfort Natalie, but she’s noticed all the conversations going on outside the room she’s in, and all the phones ringing, and she knows just how bad it can get for a female journalist who complains about what goes on in a locker room. Afterward, Jeremy runs into Christian Patrick in the hallway, and tells him that if he ever touches Natalie again, Jeremy’s going to have him killed. Patrick just laughs it off, and says that judging by the look on Natalie’s face, she was pretty impressed with him.

Casey talks to an increasingly uncertain Dana, who admits that she sent Natalie into the locker room in the hope that it might provoke Patrick. Casey assures her that she’ll do the right thing. Meanwhile, Dan is saying something along the same lines to Natalie, assuring her that no matter what happens, she has friends, and this is what friends suit up for.

And so, it turns out to be a bad day for Christian Patrick, and a not-so-great day for Sports Night’s bottom line. Ethics, though, are on an upswing: Dana cancels the interview and kicks Patrick and his lawyers out of her studio, and Natalie tells Patrick that she’s going to press charges against him, turning both of their lives upside down.

_{Photo by Terri Mauro}

Sports Night, ABC, Mary Pat Shelby, recap

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “Intellectual Property.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dana: Isaac, I see you’re smiling and holding a ratings book both at the same time. What do we know?
Isaac: We’re not number one, we’re not number two, but we picked up a point-and-a-half with men 18 to 49, and we took it evenly from Fox and Bristol. Plus I’m always smiling this time of night. You know why?
Dana: Double Chivas on the rocks?
Isaac: That’s right.

Jeremy: The attendance at tonight’s game, 11,323, is exactly the same as the population of Hoisington, Kansas.
Dana: Okay, Dan, here’s the thing. You’re gonna be 15 seconds short on the Bucks/Pacers game. I have two options for you. Option one is that the attendance at the game, 11,323, turns out to be exactly the same as the population of …
Jeremy: Hoisington, Kansas.
Dana: Hoisington, Kansas.
Dan: And option two?
Dana: Talk slower.

Casey: I’ve known Dana for 15 years. She just does this thing from time to time.
Dan: You mean have a personal life?
Casey: Yeah. She does it to make me jealous.
Dan: I don’t think it’s gonna work, do you?
Casey: My behavior is not motivated by jealousy, Danny. This is not jealousy.
Dan: What is your behavior motivated by?
Casey: It’s an emotion I’m having a difficult time putting my finger on at the moment.

Dana: You know, from, like, the second Casey and Lisa split up, everyone in this office is convinced that I have a strategy for getting Casey to fall in love with me.
Natalie: You’re wrong. We knew you didn’t have a strategy, and we’re glad you’ve finally come up with something.

Natalie: You’re going to Vermont, for the weekend, with Gordon.
Dana: Yes, I am.
Natalie: And you bought new lingerie.
Dana: Yes, I did.
Natalie: And you went out of your way to make sure Casey knew you bought new lingerie.
Dana: I did not!
Natalie: Right. That was me.

Malory: Listen, I think it’s sweet that you and your partner sing to each other on television. Others may think it’s vaguely gay, but I disagree.

Dan: No one understands the value of a healthy hunch.
Isaac: Our lawyers understand the value of a healthy hunch. It’s $400 an hour plus court costs.

Casey: Listen to me. There is a fly in the studio, and this is not a normal-sized fly. It’s a jumbo fly. It has made a habit now of flying into my monitors at a great velocity. You would think that at this velocity it would blow apart on impact, but apparently this fly has some sort of protective coating that allows it to come right back at me.

Dan: I got the intellectual-property cops crawling up my butt.
Isaac: The intellectual property cops.
Dan: Yeah.
Isaac: Are crawling up your butt.
Dan: The heat’s all over me.
Isaac: What the hell are you talking about, Danny?
Dan: I sang “Happy Birthday” to Casey on the air.
Isaac: When?
Dan: Well … on his birthday, Isaac.
Isaac: Oh, sure.
Dan: The network’s being charged $2,500 by the copyright holder.
Isaac: Someone holds the copyright to “Happy Birthday”?
Dan: The representatives of Patty and Mildred Hill.
Isaac: It took two people to write that song?
Dan: The important thing is, I’m putting together a list of songs in the public domain, and I’m asking each person to pick a song they’d like to have sung to them on their birthday.
Isaac: Why are you talking to me?
Dan: For you, I’ve boiled it down to two choices — “Jammo, Jammo” by Giuseppe Verdi, or “Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum.”

Natalie: I am certain beyond any doubt that if Dana and Casey got together as a couple, they would both be very happy. I think that’s a good idea.
Jeremy: It’s a virtuous idea.
Natalie: You don’t think it’s a good idea?
Jeremy: Well, I’m not really one to …
Natalie: Tell me what you think!
Jeremy: It’s a bad idea.
Natalie: Look who’s talking. You want to spot-shadow the outside linebacker.
Jeremy: Inside linebacker!
Natalie: They are meant for each other!
Jeremy: The inside and outside linebacker?
Natalie: I meant Dana and Casey.
Jeremy: I think the inside and outside linebacker have a better chance.

Casey: Goodnight, have a good weekend.
Dana: I will!
Casey: (mumbling) Yeah, I bet you will.
Dana: What was that?
Casey: I said, I bet you will.
Dana: You bet I will?
Casey: Yeah.
Dana: What does that mean?
Casey: Well, it means that if someone were to offer money against the possibility of your having a good time this weekend, I would take that action.

Casey: I have not been following you. I’m not 10 years old … I looked at the calendar on your desk.

Dana: Every time your life starts to spin out of control, you come after me, and you make me feel like you feel a certain way when you really don’t.

Dana: I don’t think you’re cute. I don’t think you’re smart. I don’t think you’re funny. And sometimes I don’t think you’re very nice.
Casey: You don’t think I’m funny?

Casey: What do you want from me? I married Lisa.
Dana: Yes, you did.
Casey: Well, now I’m not married to Lisa.
Dana: Lisa was a friend of mine.
Casey: Lisa can’t stand you.
Dana: Lisa can’t stand you.
Casey: Lisa can’t stand Lisa.

Dana: Your life is changing faster than you can manage. You’re depressed, you’re angry, you’re lonely, and you’re frightened, but God, everything will be fine if I could just see Dana naked.
Casey: Oh, Dana, believe me, I have no desire to see you naked.
Dana: Excuse me?
Casey: That came out wrong.
Dana: Make it come out right!
Casey: Look, of course I want to see you naked.
Dana: Louder.
Casey: I want to see you naked.
Dana: I can’t hear you.
Casey: I want badly to see you naked!
Dana: Yeah, you better want to see me naked!
(Jeremy walks in, then sheepishly backs out.)

Dana: You know what I’m taking with me to Vermont?
Casey: A team of world-class psychiatrists?
Dana: Black lingerie — lots of it! I’m going to have a good time.
Casey: I bet you will.
Dana: Knock it off! (calmer) You know what I’m talking about, and it is not fair to me. It’s not good for you. It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for the show, so knock it off.

Sports Night, ABC, Intellectual Property, memorable lines

We’re taking a second look at “Intellectual Property,” the fourth episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

Casey’s been flinching, for a couple of nights. Or maybe it’s a tic. Casey says it’s a reaction to a fly the size of a bald eagle, but nobody else can see or hear the bug in question.

Soon, Casey’s also plagued by an ankle injury sustained when he kicked a fire hydrant while trying to kick Dan for knowing for some time that Dana was dating Gordon. Casey can’t quite pinpoint why it bothers him, but it was worth kicking a fire hydrant over.

Plaguing Dana, meanwhile, is Natalie, who’s pretty sure that Dana’s weekend trip to Vermont with Gordon and new lingerie is a sign that she finally has a strategy for “the Casey situation.” Dana disavows all interest in getting Casey to fall in love with her, and insists that going to Vermont with Gordon is about nothing other than going to Vermont with Gordon. Hard to get Natalie off the track when she’s got a good idea, though.

Dan thought it was a good idea to sing “Happy Birthday” to Casey on the air on his birthday, but a lawyer from business affairs breaks the news that it’s a copyright violation to do that, and the estate of the song’s writers are charging the network $2,500. That leaves Dan determined to sing only public domain songs for people’s birthdays, and he starts assigning them at once.

Casey’s looking for some help on the fly front from Jeremy, but watching the tape of himself flinching and waving, even Casey can’t see the insect. He’s starting to believe that it may have some sort of superpowers, which of course only makes people more certain he’s crazy.

Jeremy thinks Natalie’s crazy for trying so hard to get Dana and Casey together. But she prods Casey to say goodbye to Dana, and he does it in such a way as to open up old wounds from their past relationships. Apparently Casey has an old habit of taking up with Dana whenever his life falls apart, and dumping her when he gets it together. She’s not having it anymore, and is sure that his affection for her is as much in his head as that fly.

Except … after Gordon arrives, and Casey leaves, and she walks through the empty studio to grab her luggage, she flinches and bats at a fly that’s perfectly real. “Son of a gun.”

Sports Night, ABC, Intellectual Property, recap

We’re taking a second look at “The Hungry and the Hunted,” the second episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

Jeremy’s getting the call. He doesn’t know what that means, whether it’s good or bad, and whether it’s some sort of punishment for guessing about a football play better than Isaac did, but he’s getting it.

The call is for him to produce a segment for a CSC hunting show — go to the Adirondacks with a professional guide and a guest hunter, shoot down some ducks and some deer, come back and cut together his segments, and knock Dana and Isaac’s socks off. Jeremy looks nervous about the hunting, and even more nervous about the fact that Isaac has talked to his old boss at USA Today, but he gamely takes the assignment.

Taking the assignment to go to some annoying late-night Luther Sachs reception are Dan, Casey, Isaac, and Dana. Natalie’s all over the limo seating planning, and tells Dan that he’s got to ride with Isaac so that Casey and Dana will ride together and fall in love. Dan thinks that’s a pretty stupid plan, but mentions to Casey that he should ride with Dana anyway. Casey rants a little about how, after a long day, he’s not in the mood to notice Dana’s clothes or her shoes or her hair … until he actually sees her in that dress, which literally knocks him off his feet. Before the limo seating actually begins, though, Isaac gets a call from the professional hunter — something’s happened with Jeremy.

We return to the studio the following night before the show, with Dan in an unaccustomed position — Casey’s driving him crazy, instead of the other way around. Seems Dana had a date for that cocktail party, Gordon, and Casey’s obsessed with him, with the very fact that there could be another Gordon in the world. Doesn’t seem right.

And hunting doesn’t seem right to Jeremy, who comes back claiming that the trip went great but is called to Isaac’s office to explain what went wrong. The call Isaac got the other night was about Jeremy fainting and being taken to the hospital. Jeremy’s description of what transpired — involving the killing a deer he inadvertently lured out into the open with a Twinkie Natalie had sent with him for a snack — makes it clear that he strongly disapproves of hunting for sport.

Isaac wonders why he didn’t tell them about that in the first place, and Jeremy explains that he’s lost other jobs, including the one at USA Today, because he didn’t fit in, and he didn’t want to take that chance again. Isaac lets him know that people who don’t fit in, and people who aren’t afraid to disagree, are the people he wants working for him. After Isaac and Dana leave, Jeremy uses Isaac’s phone to call his parents and tell them, proudly now, that he got the call.

Sports Night, ABC, The Hungry and the Hunted, recap

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “The Apology.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dan: If I’m nervous about anything, it’s that I think I have a stalker.
Natalie: A stalker? Who?
Dan: One of the CSC morning aerobics women.
Natalie: Sandy?
Dan: Is her name Sandy?
Natalie: Randy?
Dan: Mandy.
Natalie: Mandy.
Dan: Madeline.
Casey: Natalie!

Casey: I’m concerned about this sense, this sense that everything that’s written about the two of us, that Dan is cool and I am … what is the word?
Kim: Not?

Casey: Dana, he belongs to a fly-by-night organization that supports the legalization of marijuana, and he said so in a magazine. Is the network going to be happy about it? No. Is Sachs going to order someone to order someone to slap him on the knuckles? Probably. In the scheme of things, a much larger issue is that I am cool, I’m completely cool, huh?
Dana: And you dress cool.
Casey: That’s right. Wait, that was a dig, wasn’t it.
Natalie: (from doorway) Casey!
Casey: What, you think it’s the clothes?
Dana: I think it’s the haircut.
Casey: Excuse me?
Natalie: She said she thinks it’s the haircut.

Natalie: I may have certain feelings for Jeremy. I think it’s possible that I have feelings. I think these feelings could interfere with my judgment as far as his work is concerned.
Casey: I admire your professionalism.
Natalie: These feelings have been growing inside of me like a rush or a surge –
Casey: I think that’s a little more than I need to know about this.

Casey: What’s up with me not being cool?
Dan: What is up with that?
Casey: I love music. I have a great appreciation of music.
Dan: Dude, I’ve been in your car. You’ve got the Starland Vocal Band singing “Afternoon Delight.”
Casey: That’s right. … Wait, I do not have the Starland Vocal Band. It’s not like I went out and bought the single. It’s on my “Time/Life Sounds of the Seventies.”
Dan: Well, there you have it.
Casey: (Sighs) How can I be cool again. I’m a newly divorced man, I’m young, I used to be cool, I need to be cool again. Help me be cool again.
Dan: Well, first I’d have to disabuse you of the notion that you were ever cool before.

Lawyer: This is a sports network. Our sponsors expect us to project an image of good health and clean living.
Dan: I’ll think about that next time I’m reporting on how the Miller Genuine Draft car did in the Winston Cup.

Dan: You think I should apologize?
Isaac: No, but you’re going to do it anyway.
Dan: Why?
Isaac: Because this is television, and this is how it’s done.
Dan: Well, sitting at the back of the bus was how it was done until a 42-year-old lady moved up front. I’m not very impressed with how things are done, Isaac.

Isaac: Danny?
Dan: Yeah.
Isaac: You know I love you, don’t you?
Dan: Yeah.
Isaac: And because I love you, I can say this. No rich young white guy has ever gotten anywhere with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks.

Dan: This network, the Continental Sports Channel, has asked me to clarify some remarks I made in a publication that hit your newstands this morning. It is possible that one could come away from this article with the impression that I don’t believe that drugs are a destructive and deadly force in our culture, our economy, and on the lives of our children. (long pause) I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam’s a genius, I mean literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with the money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He’s energetic and articulate, curious and funny, a great source of pride to our parents. And there’s no doubt that he’d be living a great life right now, except for that he’s dead. ‘Cause when you’re 14 years old, all you ever really want to be when you grow up is your 16-year-old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day that Sam got his driver’s license. And he celebrated by taking a drive with some of his friends, drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran, and he probably never saw the 18-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank either. That was 11 years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands, and I apologize.

_{Photo by Terri Mauro}

Sports Night, ABC, the apology, memorable lines

We’re taking a second look at “The Apology,” the second episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

It’s another start of another show. Natalie thinks Dan is nervous about something — maybe the Esquire interview that’s about to come out? Dan claims he’s actually nervous because he has a stalker, one of the CSC morning aerobics women. Meanwhile, Casey’s doing some actual journalistic work, trying to get confirmation of a firing. Dana puts word of a no-hitter in progress in the tease for the show, which distresses Jeremy because it’s bad luck for the pitcher to talk about a no-hitter. Since Dana doesn’t work for the pitcher, she’s fine with that (even though the no-hitter is blown shortly thereafter).

The next day, the interview’s out, and there’s general agreement that Dan is going to be in some kind of trouble. What worries Casey most, though, is that the interview builds upon the popular perception that Dan is the cool one and Casey is … not. Dana thinks that perception is based on reality, possibly because of his haircut, or maybe his clothes. She’s more worried about Dan, though, and the fact that lawyers and Standards and Practices folk are already circling, because Dan belongs to a group that favors the legalization of marijuana, and he mentioned it in the magazine.

Casey’s got bigger problems than being uncool; Natalie wants him to help Jeremy cut his first highlight package. She’d do it herself, but she has certain feelings for Jeremy, which she goes on about at way more length than Casey wanted to hear. Dan and Casey discuss the interview for a bit, and Casey’s longterm lack of coolness for a bit, as Dan avoids going into a meeting in Isaac’s office. Isaac finally comes to get him, none too pleased.

In Isaac’s office, a network suit is accusing him of encouraging people to use marijuana. Actually, two network suits — the “reasonable” cop and the “shrill and obnoxious” cop — working at him to get him to acknowledge the badness of what he did and agree to make an apology. They threaten him with the wrath of network owner Luther Saks, they threaten him with the morals clause on his contract, and they threaten him with health-insurance fraud because he mentioned in the article that he stopped smoking marijuana eleven years ago today, and he must have been an addict to remember the date that precisely.

Dan gets up on a pretty high horse of free speech and the responsibility of celebrities to speak out and the need to challenge the status quo, but Isaac knocks him off of it, assuring the suits that Dan will make an apology that night, and telling Dan that rich white guys ought not to be comparing themselves to Rosa Parks. Dan isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say or who he’s supposed to be apologizing too, but Isaac assures him it doesn’t really matter as long as he does it.

Casey has some notes for Jeremy about his highlight reel: It’s a little long. About eight minutes long, to be exact. Jeremy can’t imagine what could be cut, as he appreciates every battle between pitcher and batter, every psychological nuance. Finally Dana breaks in to say they have to cut it even further, down to just three plays, and although Jeremy declares it a travesty, that’s that.

Natalie tells Dana that Casey needs a woman, and is reaching out to her. Natalie suggests offering kitchen supplies, and Dana chats with Casey over whether he has spoons, forks, and a whisk. He does, and doesn’t seem to be reaching out much now. Dana’s momentarily flustered, then flips back into work mode.

Because, the show is starting. And soon, it’s time for Danny to do his apology. He starts out with the basic corporate line, then freezes. Then he talks about his younger brother Sam, who was a genius and would be living a great life today if he hadn’t copied his big brother Dan, gotten high, ran a red light, and been hit by an 18-wheeler, eleven years ago today.

The studio is hushed as he finishes. Then, during the break, Casey quietly starts a discussion about the relative coolness of the Starland Vocal Band, and which artists are uncool that Casey thought were cool, as we go to credits.

Sports Night, ABC, The Apology, recap

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night pilot. Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dan: When you get right down to it, what I’m saying is this, Case — I think you should start getting out of your house. Just out of your house.
Casey: I am out of my house. I’ve been out of my house for six months. I don’t live at my house.

Natalie: CASEY, DID YOU GET THE CHANGE ON ARROWHEAD AND DENVER?
Casey: Natalie, if you shout into a microphone when I’m wearing an earpiece, it poses the question, is there a decibel level at which the human head will just, you know, explode?
Isaac: Is he in a better mood than he was this morning, or is this going to be another crappy show?
Dana: Hey, Casey, Isaac wants to know if you’re in a better mood –
Casey: Shut up.
Dana: Pretty crappy, yeah.

Dan: Why are we quoting high-level sources inside the Swiss Olympic Committee on Helsinki’s bid for the 2010 Olympics?
Dana: What’s the problem?
Dan: Helsinki’s in Finland.
Dana: Really?
Dan: Yeah. Don’t worry, I got it.
Dana: Are you sure?
Dan: Am I sure that Helsinki’s in Finland? Yeah. I’m quite sure.
Will: I thought it was in Sweden.
Chris: It says “unnamed Swiss Olympic officials.”
Natalie: Graphics, which is it, Sweden or Switzerland?
Casey: It’s in Finland!
Natalie: Elliot, get something up on the Net.
Elliot: What do you need?
Natalie: We think Helsinki might be in Finland.
Dan: Yeah, we think there’s a pretty good chance.

(more…)

We’re taking a second look at “Pilot,” the very first episode of Sports Night. Following up on the review, here’s a recap of the episode. Still to come: memorable lines from the episode.

The pilot drops us right into the middle of the Sports Night studio, and a bustling place it is. The camera winds around through the control room, where directions are being shouted back and forth; out to the desk, where the anchors, Dan and Casey, discuss whether the recently divorced Casey should be getting out more; back to the control room, where exec Isaac asks producer Dana whether Casey’s bad mood is going to create another crappy show (yes); back to the anchor desk, where Dan points out that despite what the script says, Helsinki is in fact in Finland; and back and forth, as we discover that backstage is a hectic place, the national bird of Finland is the whooping swan, and Dan isn’t wearing pants.

We come back from commercial and it’s the next morning. There’s discussion of a basketball player named Jason Grisham following up a great game by attacking a guy in a bar. Dan accuses Casey of having slept at the office, and goes on and on about how he’s having a “New York Renaissance.”

They go to a staff meeting where J.J., a network suit, complains about an upcoming feature on Ntozake Nelson, an African long-distance runner who was a political prisoner and barely expected to walk again after his legs were broken, but who will be running in a race carried on the network that night. J.J. thinks 40something African political prisoners won’t play well to the show’s 11-17 demographic, and when Casey yells at him about it and storms out, he also doesn’t think Casey is playing very well to anybody. He suggests Dan find a new partner, but that doesn’t play very well to Dan. J.J. makes it clear to Isaac, though, that he better do something about it, and Isaac does the same to Dana.

Dana meets Jeremy, Natalie’s candidate for a research job, when he jumps up from his waiting spot on the couch to ramble on about why she can’t get a satellite feed — but she’s not ready for him yet. First, she has to have a little talk with Casey, telling him swiftly and crisply, amid various show notes and directions, that she loves producing Sports Night and that he is ruining her show.

Having delivered as close to a warning as she’s going to, Dana goes back to interview Jeremy. When he declares that he’s strong on football, she asks him a question about basketball that sends him into a tizzy of insecurity and nerves. Finally, though, he answers well enough to get the job, much to Natalie’s delight.

Back behind the anchor desk before that night’s show, Casey tells Dan that he’s thinking of quitting because of stories like the Grisham one — punks and thugs acting up and getting reported on as sports stories. He’s upset that these guys are the role models his son has, now that Casey only sees him on Wednesdays and weekends. Dan knows Casey’s threat to quit is not about the moral decline of sports, but the emotional decline of Casey’s marriage to a woman who never really liked him. He wonders why Casey would leave the show, where people do like him, even when he’s being rude to them.

While they’re arguing, one of the staff, Kim, comes in to tell them there’s something happening on TV that they’re going to want to see. And if it isn’t Ntozake Nelson, the runner J.J. considered such a non-story. Against unbelievable odds, he’s winning the race and setting a world’s record. Casey calls his son and tells him to watch, then lets Isaac, Dana, and Dan know that he’s ready to celebrate sports again. And we end as we began, with the buzz and the banter of another episode of Sports Night starting.

_{Photo by Terri Mauro}

Sports Night, ABC, Pilot, recap