Watching Studio60

Tomorrow, we’ll get back to talking about “4 A.M. Miracle.” Today’s the day to wish a happy 47th birthday to Steven Weber, who was born on this day in 1961 in Queens, New York. In honor of the actor’s special day, enjoy these quotes from his Studio 60 alter ego, Jack Rudolph, pulled from the memorable lines roundups for the first sixteen episodes.

From Pilot:

I’m not like every other heterosexual male in show business, Jordan, I don’t find you charming. And you’ve earned the loyalty of absolutely no one. So you go ahead, take your first steps, Jordan, make us look all classy again. We’ve been waitin’ for ya.

From The Cold Open:

If anybody can think of ways to screw up that we haven’t tried already, I’ll be in my office.

J-Mac, if the ratings start to dip next week, or if America doesn’t find “Crazy Christians�? as funny as you do, frogs falling from the sky’s going to seem like Club Med compared to what’ll happen next.

From The Wrap Party:

(To Danny) But before I reach down your throat and squeeze your kidneys with my hand, I wanna thank you for helping Jordan acquire for NBS a television series about the United Nations. ‘Cause that’s got smash hit written all over it. I’m thinking of premiering it against the Super Bowl. America’s been waiting for a show about negotiating a lasting peace in Sudan. I hope we’ll hold off on the debate over humanitarian aide to Darfur until sweeps. Aw, it doesn’t matter, an episode will be a winner as long as it’s about the U.N. Because Americans are just crazy about the U.N. We just can’t get enough of their freewheeling, sexy, bucaneer style. I foresee a couple of problems, like nobody at the U.N. speaks the same language. But that’s okay, because if there’s one thing every teenager loves, it’s subtitles. You see it as part of your job to screw with my company, don’t you?

From Nevada Day, Part I and Part II:

I’ve always felt the People’s Republic of China was just one good string section away from being able to feed itself.

Hollywood isn’t run by liberals, it’s run by companies. You could look for a pretty long time before finding a liberal on the board of directors of any of those companies.

(To Danny) If you had my job for a day, you’d lose a couple hundred million of other people’s dollars and not care. Though I’m sure NBS would be the number one rated network within a mile radius of Zabar’s and the Chateau Marmont.

(To Zhang) My company doesn’t have honor? One of my guys spent the day in two different police stations because he came to the defense of a woman who was being verbally and physically abused. He could have been out of it easy if he’d played the support-our-troops card, but he wasn’t about to minimize the sacrifice of his brother and his brother’s buddies. Simon Stiles has prior convictions, but with the Budweiser Clydesdales, you could not stop him from making clear to a judge that this much marijuana was his. This guy (pointing to Danny) … I don’t know what the hell he was doing … except trying to convince me that Jordan McDeere has been all over the gossip pages because when she was 25, she married a fraction of a man. And this man has been telling tales, both true and false, in the hope of selling a book and working the talk shows. Sir, of all Jordan McDeere’s faults, and there are many, lack of honor is not among them. She’s killing me with her honor. So I’m sorry, Mr. Zhang. You have insulted me, and you’ve insulted my company, and I think you should take your business to Time Warner.

From The Christmas Show:

You have to understand that pro-family groups support our troops in this time of war, just as long as we don’t have to see or hear what our troops fighting a war looks and sounds like.

From Monday:

I’m not a Bedouin. I like making money, and I’ve made a lot of it for you. You can’t, you simply can’t, in this country, mess around with news coverage of a war. Ted, believe me, I wish this was a fight for ethics. I wish this was a conversation about the integrity of the news, but it’s not. It’s about preventing ourselves from being a laughingstock.

From The Harriet Dinner, Part I and Part II:

(To Tom) There comes a time in every great man’s life when he needs a favor from … someone like you.

Your best isn’t going to do it, Tom. You need to do somebody else’s best.

(To Zhang) Your daughter’s not going to quit the viola. You didn’t raise an idiot. But you might consider getting up off her ass for a short time, you commie prick. Did you understand all those words?

Studio 60, NBC, Steven Weber, Jack Rudolph, quotes