Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “Intellectual Property.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dana: Isaac, I see you’re smiling and holding a ratings book both at the same time. What do we know?
Isaac: We’re not number one, we’re not number two, but we picked up a point-and-a-half with men 18 to 49, and we took it evenly from Fox and Bristol. Plus I’m always smiling this time of night. You know why?
Dana: Double Chivas on the rocks?
Isaac: That’s right.

Jeremy: The attendance at tonight’s game, 11,323, is exactly the same as the population of Hoisington, Kansas.
Dana: Okay, Dan, here’s the thing. You’re gonna be 15 seconds short on the Bucks/Pacers game. I have two options for you. Option one is that the attendance at the game, 11,323, turns out to be exactly the same as the population of …
Jeremy: Hoisington, Kansas.
Dana: Hoisington, Kansas.
Dan: And option two?
Dana: Talk slower.

Casey: I’ve known Dana for 15 years. She just does this thing from time to time.
Dan: You mean have a personal life?
Casey: Yeah. She does it to make me jealous.
Dan: I don’t think it’s gonna work, do you?
Casey: My behavior is not motivated by jealousy, Danny. This is not jealousy.
Dan: What is your behavior motivated by?
Casey: It’s an emotion I’m having a difficult time putting my finger on at the moment.

Dana: You know, from, like, the second Casey and Lisa split up, everyone in this office is convinced that I have a strategy for getting Casey to fall in love with me.
Natalie: You’re wrong. We knew you didn’t have a strategy, and we’re glad you’ve finally come up with something.

Natalie: You’re going to Vermont, for the weekend, with Gordon.
Dana: Yes, I am.
Natalie: And you bought new lingerie.
Dana: Yes, I did.
Natalie: And you went out of your way to make sure Casey knew you bought new lingerie.
Dana: I did not!
Natalie: Right. That was me.

Malory: Listen, I think it’s sweet that you and your partner sing to each other on television. Others may think it’s vaguely gay, but I disagree.

Dan: No one understands the value of a healthy hunch.
Isaac: Our lawyers understand the value of a healthy hunch. It’s $400 an hour plus court costs.

Casey: Listen to me. There is a fly in the studio, and this is not a normal-sized fly. It’s a jumbo fly. It has made a habit now of flying into my monitors at a great velocity. You would think that at this velocity it would blow apart on impact, but apparently this fly has some sort of protective coating that allows it to come right back at me.

Dan: I got the intellectual-property cops crawling up my butt.
Isaac: The intellectual property cops.
Dan: Yeah.
Isaac: Are crawling up your butt.
Dan: The heat’s all over me.
Isaac: What the hell are you talking about, Danny?
Dan: I sang “Happy Birthday” to Casey on the air.
Isaac: When?
Dan: Well … on his birthday, Isaac.
Isaac: Oh, sure.
Dan: The network’s being charged $2,500 by the copyright holder.
Isaac: Someone holds the copyright to “Happy Birthday”?
Dan: The representatives of Patty and Mildred Hill.
Isaac: It took two people to write that song?
Dan: The important thing is, I’m putting together a list of songs in the public domain, and I’m asking each person to pick a song they’d like to have sung to them on their birthday.
Isaac: Why are you talking to me?
Dan: For you, I’ve boiled it down to two choices — “Jammo, Jammo” by Giuseppe Verdi, or “Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum.”

Natalie: I am certain beyond any doubt that if Dana and Casey got together as a couple, they would both be very happy. I think that’s a good idea.
Jeremy: It’s a virtuous idea.
Natalie: You don’t think it’s a good idea?
Jeremy: Well, I’m not really one to …
Natalie: Tell me what you think!
Jeremy: It’s a bad idea.
Natalie: Look who’s talking. You want to spot-shadow the outside linebacker.
Jeremy: Inside linebacker!
Natalie: They are meant for each other!
Jeremy: The inside and outside linebacker?
Natalie: I meant Dana and Casey.
Jeremy: I think the inside and outside linebacker have a better chance.

Casey: Goodnight, have a good weekend.
Dana: I will!
Casey: (mumbling) Yeah, I bet you will.
Dana: What was that?
Casey: I said, I bet you will.
Dana: You bet I will?
Casey: Yeah.
Dana: What does that mean?
Casey: Well, it means that if someone were to offer money against the possibility of your having a good time this weekend, I would take that action.

Casey: I have not been following you. I’m not 10 years old … I looked at the calendar on your desk.

Dana: Every time your life starts to spin out of control, you come after me, and you make me feel like you feel a certain way when you really don’t.

Dana: I don’t think you’re cute. I don’t think you’re smart. I don’t think you’re funny. And sometimes I don’t think you’re very nice.
Casey: You don’t think I’m funny?

Casey: What do you want from me? I married Lisa.
Dana: Yes, you did.
Casey: Well, now I’m not married to Lisa.
Dana: Lisa was a friend of mine.
Casey: Lisa can’t stand you.
Dana: Lisa can’t stand you.
Casey: Lisa can’t stand Lisa.

Dana: Your life is changing faster than you can manage. You’re depressed, you’re angry, you’re lonely, and you’re frightened, but God, everything will be fine if I could just see Dana naked.
Casey: Oh, Dana, believe me, I have no desire to see you naked.
Dana: Excuse me?
Casey: That came out wrong.
Dana: Make it come out right!
Casey: Look, of course I want to see you naked.
Dana: Louder.
Casey: I want to see you naked.
Dana: I can’t hear you.
Casey: I want badly to see you naked!
Dana: Yeah, you better want to see me naked!
(Jeremy walks in, then sheepishly backs out.)

Dana: You know what I’m taking with me to Vermont?
Casey: A team of world-class psychiatrists?
Dana: Black lingerie — lots of it! I’m going to have a good time.
Casey: I bet you will.
Dana: Knock it off! (calmer) You know what I’m talking about, and it is not fair to me. It’s not good for you. It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for the show, so knock it off.

Sports Night, ABC, Intellectual Property, memorable lines