Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the 12th episode of Sports Night, “Smoky.”

Casey: We’ve been having some very bizarre computer problems. Have you noticed that? The LC wire’s been getting numbers wrong.
Natalie: (entering) What do you need?
Casey: Messersmith won the gold medal in the pole vault with a leap of 238 feet, 6 inches?
Natalie: That doesn’t sound right.
Casey: Yeah, it lacks the ring of truth, yes.
Natalie: 238 feet, 6 inches in the pole vault. … That’d be a record, wouldn’t it?
Casey: Yes, it would.

Casey: Why are you staring at me?
Dan: Because it’s time.
Casey: It’s not time.
Dan: It is time. It’s past time.
Casey: It’s not past time.
Dan: It’s well past time. You need to start meeting women.
Casey: I’ve met many women.
Dan: No, you haven’t. No, you haven’t met many women. That’s why I’m here.
Casey: Oh, boy, I like the sound of this.
Dan: You got married at 23 to a woman you met when you were 19.
Casey: I know, I was there.
Dan: So you agree?
Casey: To what?
Dan: You agree that it’s time.
Casey: You said it was past time.
Dan: Well, it is past time.
Casey: Then I’m screwed.
Dan: I’m gonna help you out.
Casey: Oh, thank God for that, Danny. Thank God for you.
Dan: Thank God, indeed.
Casey: Indeed I do.
Dan: Do you know why I can help you out?
Casey: Why?
Dan: ‘Cause there’s still time.

Dan: A lot’s changed since you’ve been out there.
Casey: Out where?
Dan: There — out there. Where the women are.
Casey: Everybody still wears shoes, right?
Dan: Do they ever.

Dan: You know the biggest difference?
Casey: Biggest difference between what?
Dan: Biggest difference between women then and women now?
Casey: What?
Dan: You’re on television.

Isaac: I want to start grooming you.
Dana: I don’t understand.
Isaac: You heard me.
Dana: You want to start grooming me?
Isaac: Yes.
Dana: You better be talking about my hairstyle, Isaac.
Isaac: Don’t go nuts.
Dana: I am not going nuts. I’m just saying that’s the only kind of grooming that I’m prepared to talk about at this particular moment.

Dana: How do you know I even want your job?
Isaac: Everybody wants my job.
Dana: Not me. I think your job stinks. You get to create your own show and make all the decisions and have a big staff and make a lot of money. That’s not for me, Isaac. I like to answer to people. I don’t want to create. When I get a thought in my head, I like it to die right there.

Isaac: Dana, that was a near-death experience at Christmas. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Luther so mad.
Dana: You embarrassed him on television. He’ll get over it.
Isaac: He may get over it, but he certainly won’t forget it.
Dana: Look, he yelled, he screamed, but he didn’t fire you. If he was gonna fire you, he’d have fired you.
Isaac: You don’t fire a black executive during a race-related public-relations problem. You wait awhile.

Dana: I won’t tell anyone you’re grooming me. Goodbye. (Walks out of the office) He wants to groom me.
Natalie: What’d you say?
Dana: I said I didn’t want to be groomed. I said everybody here is very happy with the jobs they have right now. Right?
Natalie: Sure.
Dana: Natalie?
Natalie: Yeah.
Dana: You’re thinking about how you’d redecorate my office right now, aren’t you.
Natalie: I was not!
Dana: Yes you were.
Natalie: I was totally not at all.
Dana: In your little mind, you were measuring for new curtains.
Natalie: I was not measuring for curtains.
Dana: You’d keep the curtains?
Natalie: And dump the plants.

Sally: I’ll see you later, Casey. Dan’s going to want to warn you about me.

Dan: I know I said it was time, but just to be clear about something — it’s not time for that. It’s not time to dally with Sally.
Casey: Dan …
Dan: That was an unfortunate rhyme, but still.
Casey: What’s your problem with Sally?
Dan: Look at her. I don’t think she’s of this world.
Casey: You don’t think she’s of this world?
Dan: I do not.
Casey: What world do you think she’s of?
Dan: She scares me. She’s too good-looking. Nobody’s that good-looking. I’m not that good-looking.
Casey: Do you really think she was flirting with me?
Dan: And her beauty comes from a very strange place. Have you noticed that?
Casey: The places her beauty comes from weren’t that strange to me. I can identify almost all of them.
Dan: Don’t do it, Casey. She’s got an agenda.
Casey: You think she wants a job on “Sports Night”?
Dan: No, I think she wants to rule all of metropolis.
Casey: You see the job she does on “West Coast Update.” She’s a very skilled producer.
Dan: Of course she’s skilled. She’s satan’s handmaiden.
Casey: She’s not satan’s handmaiden.
Dan: On the entire planet, have you ever seen anyone with eyes like that? Huh? She’s a Stepford producer.
Casey: I say she’s a very nice person.
Dan: I say she has no reflection.

Sally: Can I be blunt?
Isaac: There’s evidence to suggest you’re capable of it, yes.

Sally: May I give you my credentials?
Isaac: I see no way of stopping you.

Sally: As we speak, one of your LC wireframes is misprocessing data while two of your associate producers stand over the monitor, attempting to have phone sex.
Isaac: God, please don’t tell me which two.
Sally: Just think about it.
Isaac: All right. My guess is it’s Jeremy and Natalie.

Dan: Stop thinking about Sally!
Casey: I’m not thinking about Sally.
Dan: This is science fiction. I’m all alone on this. I stand completely alone. Sally is an alien. Do you understand me? At night, she peels off her body and lives on Steve Guttenberg’s boat.
Casey: And you can’t get anybody to rally around that theory?

Dana: Flirt with me. Tell me why you like me better than Sally.
Casey: I do like you better than Sally.
Dana: Tell me why.
Casey: I don’t understand.
Dana: I don’t think you’re ever going to have sex again. I gotta go.
Casey: You’re smoky.
Dana: I’m sorry?
Casey: The difference between you and Sally — you’re smoky.
Dana: I’m smoky?
Casey: You’re smoky. You’re a lot of other things, too, but you’re smoky.
Dana: I don’t know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

Elliott: I’m a team player, Isaac. Always have been, always will be. But everyone here moves up one notch and you make this woman senior associate, I’ll lead a mutiny the likes of which will sink this show for good.
Isaac: Okay. Kim?
Kim: When I get Natalie’s job, is there a union regulation that prevents me from making Elliott my man slave?

Isaac: Dana, the things that I say in my office stay in my office.
Dana: Natalie’s my second in command. She’s the only one I told.
Natalie: Jeremy’s my boyfriend, he’s the only one I told.
Jeremy: I told many, many people.

Isaac: Finally, I’d like to say that while there are many programs here at CSC, and there’s nothing wrong with healthy competition, we are all a family, and we are to treat each other with professional respect.
Sally: I think I can speak for everyone on the “West Coast Update” team when I say we have nothing but respect for each and every man and woman who works on “Sports Night.”
Dan: He’s talking about you, you freak.

Natalie: Casey says she’s smoky.
Jeremy: She is smoky.
Natalie: Am I smoky?
Jeremy: You better believe it. I’ll tell you what else you are. You are a slow drink of whiskey.
Natalie: Say some computer things — right now.
Jeremy: Listen, seriously, those new herbs you’ve been taking — I think you should stop.
Natalie: I’m a slow drink of whiskey?
Jeremy: Among other things, yes.

Did I miss one of your favorites? Add it in the comments.

Sports Night, Smoky, dialog