Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to yesterday’s recap, here are some memorable lines from “The Christmas Show.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Danny: Why won’t you tell me who the father is?
Jordan: You don’t know him.
Danny: I don’t want to know him.
Jordan: How do you know?
Danny: ‘Cause if it was somebody I wanted to know, he’d be here.
Jordan: What makes you think I told him?
Danny: ‘Cause I do know you.

Danny: By the way, Doc, if you don’t detect any maleness on the first pass, don’t necessarily assume it’s a girl. The biological father is only a fraction of a man to begin with.

Jordan: I had to tell him.
Danny: She wanted to!
Jordan: I was semi-conscious. I had to make sure he wasn’t going to force a B-12 injection on me.
Doctor: You’ve just described the beginning of every great love story.

Danny: We’re having a baby?
Jordan: I’m having a baby.
Danny: Relax, you’ll be involved.

Matt: How is it I’m Jewish and I’m the only one with Christmas spirit? Come to think of it, how is it I’m the only Jew in a comedy writer’s room?

Matt: Look, I hate Los Angeles just like everybody else, but I have to work here, ’cause in any other part of the country, I’m unemployable.

Matt: The three of us are going to bring some holiday romance to this city. I’m the Miracle on the Sunset Strip, and you’re, you know, two other guys.

Jack: Our guy’s interviewing a private when an RPG screams over their heads.
Jordan: What’s an RPG?
Jack: A rocket-propelled grenade. It explodes into the rocks, and the private shouts a word …
Jordan: What word?
Jack: A word I don’t use with women.
Jordan: He said f –
Jack: Yes. Same word anyone would use. Same word Mr. Rogers would use if a rocket-propelled grenade missed him by fifty feet.

Jack: You have to understand that pro-family groups support our troops in this time of war, just as long as we don’t have to see or hear what our troops fighting a war looks and sounds like.

Harriet: What kind of jerk has their agent set up a lunch?
Luke: Well, I don’t know, Harriet. What kind of jerks are there? I mean, what are my choices?

Tom: Simon, tell Lucy about the time you were arrested on about forty-three larceny counts in high school.
Simon: Hey, cool, why don’t you tell her about the time everybody thought you were gay in high school.
Andy: It’s a big help having you guys here.

Matt: Danny?
Danny: Yeah?
Matt: You’re caring more about other people than you usually do.

Harriet: You think he cast me so he can sleep with me?
Matt: No, I think he cast you so he can marry you, and sleep with other people.

Jordan: I’m eating for two.
Danny: At least.

Danny: Have you thought about the upfronts? You could go into labor in the middle of presenting your fall schedule to three thousand advertisers.
Jordan: Yeah, it’s gonna be my gimmick.

Matt: It’s a winter wonderland.
Cal: Yeah. And then later, you can make pina coladas.

Jack: NBS News should apologize because somebody shot at one of their reporters?

Tom: See, Lucy, I’m something of an astrology buff.
Simon: Loser. The term is loser.

Matt: You spoken to Jordan since Monday?
Danny: No, not really.
Matt: You don’t know what she’s doing about the upfronts?
Danny: No.
Matt: What did you mean, “not really”?
Danny: I’ve driven by her house a couple of times.
Matt: Really?
Danny: Yeah.
Matt: Well, that’s gotta take you back, huh, Moondoggie?
Danny: Her house is on the way to work.
Matt: If you’re driving from Tijuana.
Danny: Leave me alone.

Jack: I’ve been playing this out every possible way in my head, and I think this: I have to resign. I know the Macau deal is the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life, and the FCC can block mergers. On the other hand, I just can’t be a party to the line that’s gonna be crossed if we allow them their way on this.
Wilson: I won’t pay a seventy-three-million-dollar fine. I won’t pay a seventy-three-cent fine. I won’t time-delay the news, and I won’t say I’m sorry. I no longer recognize the authority of the FCC in this matter. I’m gonna have to be ordered by a federal judge. And when they come to get my transmitter, they better send a group a hell of a lot more scary than the Foundation for Friendly Families or whatever the hell they are. Let those guys embed themselves with the Second Marine Division for a while. They’ll re-jigger their sense of what’s obscene in a quick hurry. Jack, this is the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life. You are the chairman of the National Broadcasting System. That’s why I wanted my grandchildren to meet you.

Danny: I’ve been married twice before and I’m a recovering cocaine addict, and I know that’s no woman’s dream of a man, or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I’m falling in love with you. If you wanna run, I understand, but you better get a good head start, because I’m coming for you, Jordan. … You should go ahead and chew that sandwich.

Matt: Where did you go?
Danny: I went to a place called “say it, say it, say it.” I said it, okay?

Studio 60, NBC, The Christmas Show, memorable lines