Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the Sports Night episode “The Head Coach, Dinner and the Morning Mail.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Dan: Okay, I don’t think there’s any way I could be colder.
Kim: What if you were wet?
Dan: I’d be very cold, but as cold as I’d be under that circumstance, I still don’t think there’d be any discernable difference between how cold I’d be then and how cold I am now. That’s how cold I am now.
Casey: So … you’re cold.
Dan: I’m pretty cold.

Jeremy: (when a tape goes missing) This is professional television, surely there’s some kind of strict procedure that’s followed when something like this happens.
Dana: Absolutely.
Jeremy: What is it?
Dana: Well, first, everyone stand up and see if you’re sitting on it.

Dan: I’m not conversationally anal-retentive the way you are.

Casey: I’m a commentator, I’m a pundit, I am doing my job.
Dan: You’re a pundit?
Casey: I’m a pundit.
Dan: Your parents must be very proud.

Natalie: I can’t shoot the breeze right now, Dan, I have to do my job. Or, do you think it’s just safer for everybody if I don’t do anything? My two anchors are gonna die of hypothermia on the air, but that’s okay, no problem, ’cause Natalie’s a little distracted.

Casey: I stand by my position, I do it proudly, I do it vigorously, and I do it for the following three reasons –
Dan: Here come the table of contents.
Casey: I like to organize my thoughts.
Dan: We know.
Casey: Why are you looking at a dictionary?
Dan: I don’t think “pundit” means what you think it means.

Dana: You shouldn’t be reading Natalie’s e-mail.
Jeremy: It was the only way I could make sure that Natalie doesn’t read Natalie’s e-mail.

Dana: You figured out her password?
Jeremy: I thought, you know, how many six-letter words could there be?
Dana: Um, 5,000.
Jeremy: 14,200 and change. But I got it on the 38th try.

Dana: We should’t worry, right? A reporter goes into a locker room. Has a run-in with an athlete. The reporter becomes the story. That happens, right?
Isaac: In my experience? About twice a year over the past 40 years.
Dana: Right. So why does this feel different?
Isaac: Because it’s happening to us.

Casey: (of Natalie) Oh, yeah, she’s been screwing up pretty good lately.
Dana: Yeah, not like when you were going through the divorce.
Casey: I did my job with aplomb.
Dana: I remember some days you could barely find the building.

Dana: I don’t want to say it, and you don’t want me to say it.
Casey: I do want you to say it, and then I want you to see how much I don’t care when you do.
Dana: What’s in it for me?
Casey: Nothing.
Dana: I am dressed this way because I’m having dinner with Gordon after the show. I’m having dinner with Gordon, and I’m dressed this way because it’s been my experience that when I do, Gordon becomes quite amorous. And it’s my hope that Gordon act on his impulses this evening, quench his desire, and in so doing, quench mine.

Dana: I’ll let you in on a secret. I think Natalie likes you as well.
Jeremy: I think so too!
Dana: Yes.
Jeremy: I’ve been getting that feeling!
Dana: Good.
Jeremy: I’ve had this sense. It’s a faint, subtle thing –
Dana: She’s been throwing herself at you.
Jeremy: See, I didn’t get that.

Dana: I know you’re frightened, too, or you wouldn’t be staying up all night plugging six-letter words into a computer.
Jeremy: I’m not a big man, Dana. I can’t beat people up, and I don’t carry a gun. I’m a research analyst with a degree in applied mathematics. So this is what I do.

Casey: How am I conversationally anal-retentive?
Dana: Let me anwer that question in four parts, with the fourth part first and the third part last. The second part has five syllables.
Casey: All right, all right, all right.

Dan: Listen to me, seriously, you gotta get some sleep. I once stayed up 72 hours straight studying for a biochem midterm. You know what happened next?
Jeremy: No.
Dan: Me neither, man, ’cause I passed out in my girlfriend’s dorm room. I didn’t wake up until, like, graduation.
Jeremy: How’d you do on the midterm?
Dan: I aced it, but that’s not the point.

Dan: Make it someplace that you like. Restaurants — they don’t impress women as much as we think they do, and food always tastes good on the first date. You’re not in Vegas, and you’re not in L.A. You are in the most magnificent city in the world. It’s the city of Gershwin and Cole Porter, Damon Runyon and Fiorello La Guardia. Surprise her, but make her feel comfortable. Make it different, but make her feel at home. But mostly, make it someplace that you like.
Jeremy: Where is that restaurant?
Dan: I’ll let you know when I find it.

Gordon: Oh, by the way, for what it’s worth, I’m right with you on this Rostenkowski thing.
Casey: Thank you.
Gordon: It was a terrible call.
Casey: Lost the game!
Gordon: I don’t know how he makes that call. Any idiot knows, you hand it to Jermaine, you send him up the middle.
Casey: Yeah … Well, you’re not going to go up the middle against an eight-man front, but still …
Gordon: Oh, still. Maybe you run a play-action fake, you toss it off to the tight end out in the flat.
Casey: The problem with that is that without establishing a running game first, no one’s gonna bite down on the play fake.
Gordon: Oh, but still.
Casey: Still.
Gordon: A post pattern, a slant …
Casey: He’d be going against a defensive back who was second-team all-American as a true freshman.
Gordon: What would you have called?
Casey: Me?
Gordon: Yeah.
Casey: (Sighs) The thing is, I haven’t watched film all week. I haven’t seen scouting reports. I don’t have an offensive coordinator talking in my ear. I don’t have 80,000 fans screaming in my face. So, it’s easy for me. I don’t have 10 million people watching at home on TV, including a pack of rabid alumni. I’ve had three days to think about it. He had seven seconds. So it’s a lot easier for me to make that decision than it was for him. But, since you asked me what play I would have called, I’ll tell you. Now that I think about it, I have no idea.

Natalie: Why aren’t you laughing at me? Why aren’t you mad at me? Dan, you just had to ad-lib a 30-second segment in the freezing cold, and God knows what graphic I put on the screen. Look, all I want is to get it right, and when I don’t, I expect to be treated like a professional. I expect to be yelled at. I want to be treated like the show is still important. I want to be treated like my job is still important.
Dana: The show is important and your job is important.
Natalie: Then why won’t anybody yell at me?
Dana: ‘Cause we like you. ‘Cause you’re one of us.’Cause you’re always there anytime one of us is in trouble.
Casey: Like me.
Dan: Like me.
Dana: Like them.

Sports Night, ABC, The Head Coach Dinner and the Morning Mail, memorable lines