Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to yesterday’s recap, here are some memorable lines from “The Option Period.” Did I miss your favorites? Share them in the comments.

Cal: We got to the goodnights 37 seconds early. Danny had to ask Jessica Simpson to fill. Nice girl, nice performer, don’t want her to extemporize on our air. She had time to thank her pets, and then she asked us all to pray for peace in the Midwest.

Ricky: The script department prints the scripts.
Cal: Who’s the supervisor for the script department, Rick? You want me to chew out a bunch of interns who drive 1992 Honda Civics, or do you think it should be you two?
Ricky: I vote for the interns.

Matt: I wanna fire somebody.
Danny: We’ll look around at the party, come on.

Matt: Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, are rebel forces gathering?
Danny: No.
Matt: Then why are we praying for peace in the Midwest?
Danny: Girl’s nice to look at.
Matt: Good thing.

Jordan: I think we should all take a moment to consider the suffering in Des Moines.

Danny: I left a message for you.
Jordan: And I returned that call.
Danny: And I returned that call.
Jordan: And I returned that call.
Danny: And then I left another message for you.
Jordan: And I returned that call.
Danny and Jordan: What do you need?
Matt: I’m going to make myself a drink and weep.

Jordan: What if you did tank tonight? What are you afraid would happen?
Matt: Strangers wouldn’t like me, friends wouldn’t like me, the network wouldn’t like me, the press wouldn’t like me, women in general wouldn’t like me, and Harriet wouldn’t like me.
Jordan: Is he in therapy?
Danny: Nah, he’s got me.

Harriet: People knock on closed doors in America. Were the two of you raised on a farm?
Tom: I was.
Simon: I was raised over a heroin dealership.

Harriet: I don’t wear my bikini to the grocery store.
Tom: Bet you’d get a good deal on the food.

Jeannie: I’m not climbing out the window. I am not a child. I was pretending I wasn’t here.

Jeannie: In fairness, I didn’t know it was in confidence.
Harriet: Except for when I said, “Can I tell you something in confidence.”
Jeannie: You were talking about this?

Jeannie: If you told me in confidence that you were about to take a fistful of bear tranquilizers, you don’t think I would tell Simon and Tom?
Harriet: Okay, before we go any further, please promise me that if my life is ever in jeopardy, that there’ll be people you call before them.

Tom: Hey, I’ve been under arrest most of the day because of you.
Simon: And my joint’s still in Nevada … I’m just saying.

Jordan: Does he ever just let you breathe and stretch your legs? Does he always have to get right to the point? Does he ever not give you the feeling that you’re impeding his path to the more important thing he has to do someplace else?
Matt: Yeah, can you move it along a little? I wouldn’t mind getting out of here either.

Jordan: A professor of mine used to say when you owe the bank a hundred dollars, you’re in trouble. When you owe the bank a thousand dollars, they’re in trouble. We’re going to owe the bank 11 billion dollars.

Jordan: You’re willing to take a pay cut?
Danny: No, but I’m willing to stay at home and watch the show on TV for free.

Jordan: I’m not talking about anything big. Just, like, “Nokia Presents News 60.”
Danny: Or how about we just put “Pennzoil” on Simon’s forehead?
Jordan: If that makes you happier.

Matt: I don’t think Ricky and Ron have a secret treasure trove of good material they’ve been saving for an occasion.

Jordan: Will you two have a serious conversation with me about product placement?
Danny: What’s ’serious.’
Jordan: You have to listen while I speak.
Danny: Hmm. No. This I cannot do.

Harriet: Debra got the movie. There was some feedback that it’s not that she was sexier, but that she’s thought of as sexier. It’s hard to follow that logic, but it all seems to be synonymous with “We wanted someone sexier than you.”
Simon: You know how many movies Tom hasn’t gotten because they didn’t think he was manly enough?
Tom: It’s really gotta be like this?
Simon: You don’t see him on the cover of Field and Stream.

Harriet: Whatever happened to, “You’re uptight, Harry, you’re repressed!”
Tom: I meant that as a compliment.

Simon: They want skanky pictures of the church girl, Harry. They want you because you’re perceived as pious. They’re paying for money shots of the church girl.
Harriet: They’re not objectifying me?
Tom: They are, but not in the way you want.

Danny: So what are you thinking, Simon turns to the camera and says, “You know, after a long night of being satirical, I lace up a pair of Adidas”?

Jordan: The final level is product integration. This is the big prize. Harriet uses a Nokia phone. Tom uses an Apple computer. The band plays Gibson guitars.
Danny: We’re gonna have a whole band of guitar players?
Jordan: No, just the guys who play the guitar.
Danny: ‘Cause it seems to me that whatever ad revenue we got from Gibson would be squandered on our electric bill if we’ve got 14 guys on guitar.
Jordan: Oh, how I love the Eastern Witty Boys.
Danny: I’m not even sure we could plug them all in.

Ricky: You’re good-looking, and you have an English accent. He’s not going to let you go anywhere.
Lucy: Richard, that is the nicest thing anybody’s ever said about my writing.

Matt: I don’t think you know Jordan McDeere very well, because she’s yet to do anything anyone’s told her to do.

Harriet: They don’t think I’m sexy, Simon.
Simon: They will if you show them you’re sexy. They won’t if you show them your ass.

Jordan: Hey, lighten up, Matt, you’ve been wanting to get rid of these guys since you got here.
Matt: It’s gonna cut into work time if I have to go door to door to everyone in America and explain to them that I didn’t write Peripheral Vision Man.

Harriet: I wanna commission a scientific study of how news travels in this building.
Matt: I’m not even sure there’s such a thing as the Internet. It might just be Jeannie telling people stuff.

Matt: If you don’t have anything to say to them tonight, that’s fine. Tonight, get drunk at the wrap party and pretend you’re getting back at them by doing a lingerie shoot. If you want, you can even describe your vengeance to me very slowly.
Harriet: Young girls look up to me, Matt. You know, in the same way young boys don’t look up to you at all.
Matt: Well, do this layout, and both boys and girls will be looking up to you at a carwash.

Ricky: I don’t care how we end this as long as we end this.

Ricky: When Harry realizes she’s already found the man of her dreams … I hope she screws him right in front of you.

Ricky: The show sucked tonight. And no, I don’t care.

Ron: I’ve been his partner my whole career. You know, it’s like you and Danny.
Matt: Ron –
Ron: And nobody noticed he got dropped on his head when you guys came here. In the press, at the network. In this building, Matt. Nobody noticed in this building.

Lucy: Are we going to be fired?
Matt: No, you’re just going to wish you’d been.

Jordan: When I took the job, I decided I wanted to pretend I only had a year to live. Seriously. I mean, what you do in my job if you only had a year to live and no one knew it. Do you ever play that game?
Danny: No.
Jordan: Well, if what you’re saying is true …
Danny: Just fix the press.
Jordan: Then maybe I don’t have to pretend anymore.

Danny: Listen to me. You’re very winning. … Not to me, but to everyone else. People who’ve met you like you, it’s only the ones who don’t know you who have a problem. Go out there and control your own press.
Jordan: Wow. Man. … Danny, would you go around trying to get people to like you?
Danny: No.

Danny: This is both good and profitable.
Cal: Yeah.
Danny: You know how that confuses me.

Studio 60, NBC, The Option Period, recap