Watching Studio60

As a follow-up to yesterday’s recap, here are some memorable lines from Studio 60’s sixth episode, “The Wrap Party.”

Cal: Suzanne! Tell your guys tarps over everything. The last time we had a wrap party in the studio, we had to shut down for two weeks while we replaced the studio.
Jordan: Cal!
Cal: Jordan.
Jordan: Great show.
Cal: Thanks.
Jordan: You were great.
Cal: Thank you again.
Jordan: I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine.
Cal: No one would ever know.
Jordan: I just bought my first show.
Cal: We heard. Congratulations.
Jordan: It’s a one-hour drama about the United Nations.
Cal: It can’t miss.
Jordan: I’m celebrating.
Cal: Well, enjoy the party.
Jordan: I’m also hiding from Jack Rudolph. I didn’t bid on a reality show he wanted, and then to add injury to …
Cal: Insult to injury …
Jordan: Insult to injury, Wilson White backed me and took Jack’s legs out from under him. So I’m hiding here tonight. This is like, for me, Superman’s Dome of Pleasure.
Cal: Fortress of Solitude?
Jordan: Yes!
Cal: Well, enjoy yourself.
Jordan: I believe I will.
Jack: Guess who’s in the hizzay!
Cal: Suzanne! Tarps over everything!

Jeannie: Hey, listen, Lily just told me they had to take 15 seconds from the news to cut Commedia. I am sorry, people laughed, and we were not prepared for that.
Harriet: I just almost kissed Matt.
Jeannie: Really?
Harriet: Yeah.
Jeannie: Where?
Harriet: On the mouth.
Jeannie: Where in the building?
Harriet: Up in his office, during the last Sting number. It was a close call. I nearly had a Matt relapse, but I’m fine. Darren’s coming to the party, and Danny’s trying to fix Matt up with cocktail waitresses, so we’re back to normal.
Jeannie: How do you feel about Darren?
Harriet: I’m crazy about him, and I’ll tell you why.
Jeannie: He’s a professional athlete and has the body of one?
Harriet: No, it’s because he’s the anti-Matt. Darren is the anti-Matt. He’s not snide, he’s not smug, he’s not superior, he goes to church, he works with his hands.
Jeannie: Well, he’s not a rancher, he’s a middle reliever for the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Harriet: I’m saying he is by and large unburdened by … what?
Jeannie: Thought?
Harriet: He thinks.
Jeannie: About what?
Harriet: I’m looking forward to discovering that tonight.
Jeannie: Sure, and in the meantime, you’ve got the muscles.

Simon: You owe me 15 seconds of fame.
Jeannie: That’s all I got on me right now.

Simon: Twenty-seven’s too old to have mommy-and-daddy issues, my brother.
Tom: They don’t know what I do for a living, my brother.
Simon: They alive?
Tom: Well, they live in Columbus, Ohio, so barely.

Mrs. Jeter: Simon, I have to tell you, Tom’s father won’t admit it, but after we saw the James Bond movie, I think he got a little crush on Halle Berry.
Tom: Oh, dear God.
Mrs. Jeter: It’s true.
Tom: Well, he’ll be sure to tell her at the next meeting, Mom.

Danny: Graham, you are talented, you are a delight, and if I may say, you are a hot buttered biscuit.
Lauren Graham: Why did you cut my sketch?
Danny: The thing to remember here is that it was me who cut the sketch. It was a producorial decision involving a number of technical factors. Cameras, grips, a complicated metric of …
Lauren: (to Matt, who has just walked in) Why did you cut my sketch?
Matt: It wasn’t funny.
Lauren: I thought it was funny.
Matt: I thought the writing was funny, but that you weren’t very good.
Lauren: Really? Because I thought the writing was one unbearably long set-up for a jingle.
Matt: And that’s why I cut the sketch. You were in a number of wonderful sketches tonight, including a hilarious send-up of your character on Calico Gals.
Lauren: Gilmore Girls.
Danny: I wrote it down for you!
Matt: This is my number, if you ever feel like coffee or a basketball game or something. And would you give a copy of this to the girl who plays your kid on the show, too?
Lauren: Is sucking-up-to-the-host time over?
Danny: Sure, go enjoy the party.
Lauren: (starts to walk out, then goes back to grab the number) This is humiliating.

Danny: Now, these three, I don’t think broke the bank on their SATs or anything …
Matt: How recently did they take the SATs?
Danny: Don’t be a snob.

Tom: I like looking at naked women as much as anybody, I just don’t like it to be a crowd experience.

Tom: Abbott and Costello. “Who’s on First?”
Mrs. Jeter: Honey, Dad and I don’t watch Comedy Central.

Simon: It’s insulting to me that there are no black writers in the room.
Matt: It’s insulting to me that you think I need help.
Simon: Well, you’re just going to have to be insulted then.

Harriet: Would you like to hang out with us at the party?
Jordan: I would love to. I think if you give me a chance, you’ll find me delightful.
Harriet: Alright, well, let’s not go for too much on your first try.

Tom: The first movie they showed here was The Jazz Singer, story of a guy who wanted to do something for a living that his father didn’t like.
Mr. Jeter: I get it, Mark.
Tom: Tom.

Mr. Jeter: I’ve got a question.
Tom: Yeah?
Mr. Jeter: When did you become an interior decorator?
Tom: Dad …
Mr. Jeter: Art Deco fixtures?
Tom: I’m just telling you a story, Dad. I’m trying to take your mind off of it. That’s what I do.
Mrs. Jeter: I don’t want you two to fight. Tommy, tell us how you put the skits together.

Tom: I’m trying to tell you you’re standing in the middle of the Paris Opera House of American television.
Mr. Jeter: Well, that’s swell, Tom, but your little brother is standing in the middle of Afghanistan!

Simon: There is nothing like the wit and originality of the differences between white people and black. And apparently, the biggest difference is that we don’t pay our bills, respect the law, women, or each other.

Cal: I’m a real World War II buff. I used to set up little scenes with toy soldiers that I’d paint myself, and then I’d shoot it in Super 8. Which would help explain why I didn’t kiss a girl till I was 19.

Jack: (singing) “Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are blowing.”
Danny: Hey, Jack.
Jack: Oh, don’t give me “Hey, Jack.”
Danny: Why not?
Jack: ‘Cause I’m looking for a fight, and it’s gonna be you.
Danny: No.
Jack: Oh, yeah.
Danny: Really?
Jack: Yes, sir! But before I reach down your throat and squeeze your kidneys with my hand, I wanna thank you for helping Jordan acquire for NBS a television series about the United Nations. ‘Cause that’s got smash hit written all over it. I’m thinking of premiering it against the Super Bowl.
Danny: Jack …
Jack: America’s been waiting for a show about negotiating a lasting peace in Sudan.
Danny: Jack …
Jack: I hope we’ll hold off on the debate over humanitarian aide to Darfur until sweeps. Aw, it doesn’t matter, an episode will be a winner as long as it’s about the U.N. Because Americans are just crazy about the U.N. We just can’t get enough of their freewheeling, sexy, bucaneer style. I foresee a couple of problems, like nobody at the U.N. speaks the same language. But that’s okay, because if there’s one thing every teenager loves, it’s subtitles. You see it as part of your job to screw with my company, don’t you?
Danny: No, I do not, that’s just one of the perks.
Jack: Fight me, right now!

Harriet: What did he write?
Jordan: You know, it was just …
Harriet: Did he write something funny? Let me see.
Jordan: It’s in my purse.
Harriet: Well, can I see? … He wrote his phone number, didn’t he. I deserved that.
Jordan: Why?
Harriet: He’s the anti-Matt.
Jordan: I threw the ball in a dumpster. Then I fell into the dumpster. It’s a long story.

Eli: This one is Eugene Bookman. He always liked political humor. Of course, the network was not comfortable with that in those days.
Danny: In those days.

Did I miss one of your favorite lines from this episode? Share it in the comments.

Studio 60, NBC, The Wrap Party, memorable lines